Wife of 16 years having affair...confronted...Now stuck in circle of denial and pain

My WW (we are both 36) had been acting differently and frequently would stay home while I went to family and friend events solo.

Suspicious in late June, I put an old cellphone with a voice recorder app in the house before I left.

I caught a facetime video call between her and her AP talking about meeting up the following friday, talking explicitly about sex, denigrating me, and clearly getting off together during the chat.

The audio quality wasn't very good, but I used Audacity to reduce noise and isolate the vocals and now I'm 100% certain that an affair has been in progress for quite some time.

In early July we stayed at a beach house an hour from home. On the 2nd to last day, I and the rest of our friends decided to take an evening walk to the beach to watch the sunset, but my wife decided to stay back at the last second. I hid the extra cell phone in the beach house. I heard her let someone in, immediately heard sex noises, and the voice of the AP. He must have driven out and waited until we were all out of the house.

I stupidly confronted my wife after we got home from the trip. I showed her some small parts but she refused to listen to much saying the audio quality is so bad that you can't tell whats going on (its not that bad, and voices come through fairly clearly. Also, beside that poiny, she is clearly talking to SOMEONE male in the house while we weren't there, but she denied it anyway.

She denied denied denied. I know for sure an affair is happening,l. I love my wife with all my heart and would reconcile, especially if its just sexual and not emotional. But I am in this depressed limbo...looking for ways to catch her in the act with better evidence so she can no longer deny it.

Ive checked her phone, but she works in IT and has the know how to obfuscate any evidence I might find, so I haven't found any evidence there.

Im depressed, stuck in a loop of denial and pain, and all I want is for her to admit to it so we can move on rebuilding our marriage.

I got a home camera system, but I only told her I got 2 cameras with it, although it came with 3. In her facetime call, they mentioned doing "it" in our garage, where no cameras would see if she let AP in through the garage door. However, I hid the third camera in the garage to catch her there if anything should happen.

I don't know what else to do... I feel so mixed up and confused, just waiting for better evidence so she can no longer deny. I don't want to leave her, but I'm afraid that'll be my only choice if she refuses to come clean or if I can't get irrefutable evidence.

I dont know why im posting... I guess im just sad and confused and hoping for advice. Please help me.

20 comments posted: Thursday, August 3rd, 2023