Did I waste these years

Good morning all,

Looking for some perspective.

I am a 45 year old lady, living in the uk. 🇬🇧
Husband had an affair 2 years ago. Very brief in nature compared to what some of you have been through but the mistress happily spilled everything to me ( which at least means I know how seedy it all was but was traumatising to hear none the less) she basically told me to step aside for their "real love". He dumped her pretty quickly because of her contacting me and we had lots of recriminations from mistress. He moved out ( not with her) but was back home pretty quick and a cycle of sex bonding, arguments, split ups has taken place. In the intervening years there have been times where I have thought we will be fine and others where I could happily strangle him.

He is in full mid crisis mode and very vain but this is just a cover for his insecurity. I don’t think he has had another affair but he does keep engaging in hypothetical questions about who I would marry next and bizarrely if we divorce , his feelings that he would still want to see me for sex because that has never been a problem!. Going on to say that I can cheat on my husband with him if we get divorced.

Frankly this is all a massive headfuck. When I try to pull away and focus on myself - he accuses me of making an effort for another man. There is no other man - I focus on our teenagers .

Can I ask is anything of this normal? . I am losing heart ❤️ that we can make it work and sometimes I think that I might be better by myself. It’s all nerve wracking though as he was my first love.

Are these just the things that happen in the early years post affair where we are both finding ourselves? We had relate counselling and were commended for being open and having a good rapport.

Any advice welcome x

6 comments posted: Monday, April 8th, 2024