My mind is such a mess...

I really don't know why I am writing this or how if it will help, but all I know that I can't keep it bottled up any more, I haven't told anyone about what happened and I think it's consuming me!

Before I begin with when I Frist found out of the "A", I wanted to say that we were together for 13 years (9 years of them married) and we have a 7 years old daughter.

nine months ago we were distant emotionally had a lot of issues, main one for me was that she was on a lot of antidepressants that made her emotionally numb, nothing made her happy or sad, felt like I'm living with a zombie. To her, that I was too distant. So she told me that she wants a "D", I wanted to work on our marriage still but I felt that she really doesn't want too, coincidentally, while I was adding credit to my wife mobile I found out that she had been talking to a co-worker of hers for a long period of times, after hours while I'm not around.

I confronted her and she told me that he offered to marry her after we "D" and that wasn't the reason that were are separating its bound to happen, I agreed, and was looking for a place, but every time, I pack my things and go, she stops me, and tells me to stay, I was in really bad place, I didn't want to be with someone who doesn't want me, and who also betrayed me, but I said to myself I owe it that much to my family, we agreed that she will cut down a bit on the meds, and she promised me that she won't talk to him again. and I will be closer to her, I know that she will need a lot of attention and care in that time (despite the fact I'm the one who got betrayed) I went above and beyond, tried my best is all I can say.

A month ago I found out that not only she talked to him she had a "PA". I can't shake the thoughts and the feelings that while I was killing myself to make her happy, that she would do that! I could've just left! why! I was there next to her the whole time, when she was in the hospital I slept next to her in the couch, just when I leave she calls him on the phone!

After I confronted her and of course she lied, and showed her a proof, she cried and told me the truth, and she told me she can't believe that she did that or why she did it, and she's sorry. we agreed to get "D" but she asked me to spend some time together before that happens, knowing that she has suicidal tendencies, I told her that we will go to a psychiatrist so she will cope up with what's happening. we had a bit of fun together but when the times and she got hit with the realty that we are getting a divorce she had a attempted suicide, I rushed her to the hospital and spent 3 days till she regain consciousness.

Now, I told her I will stay with her but no promises, if I can't take it anymore I will leave... and I really don't know what to do! I think I'm still in love with her, but my mind is killing me, it is like its overclocked, firing up all the time, like I want to put it to sleep, everything is a trigger.

8 comments posted: Thursday, August 17th, 2023