This whole summer holiday was D-Day. Joy.

Me: bs,37. WH, 41, lots of online 'frieeeends'. 2 lovely kids. I just want to AAARGH.

Does anyone have advice for the anger?

Hi y'all,

Long story long: Since my first pregnancy (the child will be 7 soon) my SO has been distant. And very critical of my appearance. I used to be hyper-slim; now I am curvy. I honestly, for the last seven years, I tried everything. Talks, mc, suggestions, articles. All was denied. Turns out I was right all along. He has let media (porn and tv) f up his view of women; this caused the hyper critical stuff about my appearance. And for the last three and a half years, it escalated to comments on lots of only-fan-esque content makers on the big forum with the R. He gave compliments to the ladies. Kind, sweet, generous compliments - not even gross ones, he can't do dirty talk. Complimenting their softness, while complaining of mine. Admiring their long hair, while negging mine and causing me to cut it all of. And then not noticing a 50cm hair chop.

And as it turns out, there were online emotional (and sexual) affairs with these ladies. Chats, photo's, messages over kik and snapchat how their days were.

While ignoring me.

You know, THE USUAL!

I found all of this out last july. Lots of trickle truthing. He never realized (or so he says) that this was cheating. Which is funny, as I was the one who told him about onlyfans and that that was not okay with me... as were whatsapps and photo sharing... but this was on nofans, and not whatsapp but kik, dontcha know? So it was different.

Anywho. He now realizes how bad of a thing this was for me. And he now notices how much all that secret lady apping took from our relationship, now he's stopped.

But he's not yet doing the work to fix this. Admittedly, with the summer holiday we didn't have much time to gather our footing - although I DID do my work, my share of reading, and he keeps twatwaffling around.

And I _want_ to try to forgive. I really want to. But I am so ANGRY. And the anger keeps getting worse. I can't seem to calm down any more.

Yes, IC has started, but slowly. And so far, it's general - the specialized IC has long long waiting lists.

And the anger is just destroying us all, and it doesn't any of us any good. It doesn't make him do his side of the work and it hurts me, too.

Does anyone has any advice? Sure, anger is to be expected - after all, I just found out and am in the proces of "landing". But any advice... would be so much appreciated. Because this is not helping anyone and ...well. this just sucks so bad.

12 comments posted: Tuesday, September 26th, 2023