feeling sick tonight

As I sit here tonight thinking over everything that has been on my mind the past few days, I recognize that I am starting to get that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach again. The same feeling I experienced when I first started seeing signs that my now ex-husband was cheating on me. I remember this feeling, and I did not ever want to feel it again. I don't know that I can go through another experience like that again.

As I posted earlier this week, and read through everyone's comments, I am starting to think that maybe I have known something was "off" for a long time, but have just chosen to not face it. I have been reflecting and thinking, and my gut has been telling me something seems off. At times it is louder than others, but it has been there. Even tonight. We are engaged, yet I have barely spoken to him today. I haven't seen him since the weekend. We used to live together, but I moved into my own place about 3 months ago (my house sold), and now we see each other just a few times a week. After living together for 2 years, to now this, it just feels strange. I have worried that I am paranoid, or that I am overthinking, but I just don't know anymore. And I should probably be having this conversation with him I know- but I have read multiple posts that advise not to say too much at first or it will just cause the person to go underground. Do I wait, and just keep my eyes open, and see what happens? or should I try to talk to him? I'm just not sure at this point. More than anything I just hope to find the truth, even though the thought of facing that kind of pain again scares me to death. I love my fiance, just as I loved my ex-husband.

Thank you all for listening. I hate that I find myself having to think about this again, but I am so grateful that these forums are here.

17 comments posted: Friday, September 8th, 2023

not sure where to start

Not even sure where to post if I am being honest. I was a betrayed spouse for several years, and my husband and I reconciled and things were wonderful. I thought. In 2016 it happened again, and I had met my limit. I just couldn't work on our relationship. We divorced, I survived and have successfully been rebuilding my life since that time. I met another man and I fell in love; we have been together about 6 years. What started as just a friendship has grown into something serious, and about a year ago he asked me to marry him. I said yes, but we have made no plans to marry, and I honestly struggle to even wear the engagement ring.

Even though I feel like I have "recovered", I am still so affected by what happened with my ex-husband. I am so afraid to remarry. I also fear that I see some "red flags" with my current partner, and I am terrified. If I am honest, there were some early on and I probably should have left then, but I stayed. There was an instance when we had been casually dating when I saw him get another text message from a girl, asking if they still had plans to go out the next night I also received a phone call from another girl he was "talking to" during the first two months we were dating. She didn't know about me and had somehow found out he was dating both of us and called to warn me. There was another instance I saw him texting a girl, but again, this was within the first months of meeting him. I think I excused these incidents because I rationalized that we were not exclusive at that time, so they didn't count. That was also what he said when I confronted him. I think a part of me also thought we wouldn't get this far in the relationship, so I "chose" to ignore them. I don't understand how I could do this.

I know I am rambling and I am not even sure what I am looking for with this post, other than someone to maybe tell me I am not crazy. Have I fallen into a similar pattern again? Is it pointless to even hope that my fiance is or would be different? How do I know he is even faithful now? I am TERRIFIED to remarry and go through that pain again. There are truly no words to explain the lasting pain of a betrayal.

12 comments posted: Tuesday, September 5th, 2023