What to do

Edit been with wife for 13 years married 11 with 2 kids 10 and 8

So long story not been feeling that close to wife for a while. A colleague at work mentioned a few times a friend of his and that he was friends with my wife. I know who this guy is and aware my wife Swaps holiday ideas and he is married with kids. So my gut was telling me something wasn't right and I checked her phone. On insta dm there were alot of messages between both my wife and this "friend" most was about holidays and activities both had been on with our respective families. Anyway the last messages are my wife telling him that she has 2 nights overnight at a hotel with work. His response is that's a shame as he is away those days however if he had been at work he could have got held on and visited her hotel room. My wife replies "aw well" and then said there is no point telling him where she was staying as he can't come. He replies "calm down you seem so frustrated" and she replies just kidding. Then wife goes on yo tell him she might get a hotel when delivering a project elsewhere in country and he replies "don't mind a bit of travelling if you told me what you had in mind" she again replies "no point now...you can't blooming come" it goes on to mention she thinks it will be a hotel that she has stayed at previously when he was also at a work event and he replies "would of had a good night that night too" and she replies "lol if only I knew" he says "yip had that big bed and room all to myself" and she replies "waste"

That is the end of their conversations and I discovered this 2 weeks ago. I sat down and talked to her about it and she initially didn't admit to messaging until I told her I had read them. She then described it as "bravado" and that nothing has or was going to happen she loves our family and wants to stay together. I told her how shattered I am and hurt and she did seem genuinely sorry about it. I asked her to block and never have contact with him again on social media and she has done that and not sent him any message as to why as she said that I told her I didn't want her to have any contact with him.

My problem is I cannot stop thinking about it and that she has more nights away delivering a new project at work and I cant take the worry that something might happen. I know I should trust her but that feels broken.

I have thought about what I want to do and thinking about contacting him directly to speak to him about this as it seems he was the one driving the conversation down a meeting route and also thinking about contacting his wife to make her aware of it all.

I need help with what to do.

19 comments posted: Saturday, September 9th, 2023