Need help getting through this

Long story short, H had brief A over 20 years ago when we were talking potential divorce. We were both unhappy and he believed we were completely over and was waiting for the divorce paperwork to be delivered (even though we never contacted a divorce attorney). He sought comfort elsewhere then decided he wanted to fight for our marriage. Problem is, he kept this a secret for 20 years until the AP's spouse confronted him in front of me. We are in MC and I was in IC but my therapist didn't have much betrayal trauma experience. I am past the hating him stage. Although I love him I have shut off romantic feelings. I truly want to work through this as, logically, I know this happened a long time ago and we have built a good life. But he kept it from me for over 20 years and I resent him beyond words. I have also lost a lot of respect for him. Books I've read don't address this. Does anyone have any recommendations on books or podcasts that

address the lost respect and overcoming huge resentments? Any help will be appreciated.

6 comments posted: Saturday, August 17th, 2024

Changing my mindset

Hi. I'm looking for people to share their thoughts/experience that may be able to help me. Please no negative comments as I am not looking for advice about the A or rehashing it - this is something we're already working on. Rather I am looking for advice from those who have similar experiences/beliefs of "one and done" that may help as my H and I work on our R.

I've always been a believer of "one and done" when it comes to infidelity. Now that I'm here, I'm having a hard time changing this mindset. I recently learned of my H's A that occurred very early in our marriage when we were actually talking divorce. We worked through that and have built a good life over the next 20+ years. But last year I found out that during that "divorce talk" time, he had a one time A.

I am trying to change my belief of "one and done" because I don't want to throw away our life over his bad choice back then. We are all flawed and I haven't been the perfect W (not excusing him for his behavior) but we have had far more good times than bad. We are not the same people we were back then. Logically I know this. My heart, and probably my pride, are saying otherwise and can't let go of "one and done".

I understand this may sound petty to some of you as there are people on here whose situations are far worse than mine. But this is where I am right now and could use some advise. Has anyone had this "one and done" mentality that they were able to change? If so, I would love to hear how you did so.

21 comments posted: Saturday, April 20th, 2024

Getting in touch with an admin

Does anyone know how to get in touch with an admin of this site aside from email? I've emailed numerous times but am getting no reply. Thanks in advance for your help.

1 comment posted: Friday, November 10th, 2023

Just found out about affair 20 years ago

I've been married 25 years and recently found out that my husband had a brief affair 20 years ago. We've had lots of conversations and I thought I wanted to work through this but something small will trigger the anger and pain.

26 comments posted: Thursday, September 21st, 2023