Potential cheating Fiancee - Some sound advice needed!!!!!

Hello. I wouldn't say i am at my lowest point in life, but im pretty close. I (34m) have been with my Fiancee (28F) about 11 years. About 4 years ago we moved in with each other. I cannot say everything was great. Far from it. Lots of arguments, lack of sex at some points etc. For myself I am not perfect. I am slightly overweight (lost 25 pounds over the last 4 months so im getting there but slowly), I am not the richest but ok, but i am not perfect. So let me dive in.

About 3 years ago i noticed that she was on the phone a lot with some guy she went to university with. About 3 years ago i noticed that she was on the phone a lot with some guy. I went into her phone and noticed the messages they were sending. I do regret going into her phone, but my instincts were telling me something is not right. Well I looked and without too much digging in her hidden messages. I find that he was sending messages to her, sexual messages, very inappropriate messages. I cannot say she was reciprocating them but she was not telling him that this is inappropriate and was continuing the conversation. I found out and confronted her. She said that she will not contact him again etc. She acknowledged it was wrong, her main reason was because she didn't like having sex with me because of my weight. My mental state hit rockbottom, i put even more weight on, went through personal therapy, couples therapy etc we went back in a decent place. I asked her to marry me the following year etc

Last week while planning for her birthday i went into her phone again (her phone was actually open when she fell asleep, and i needed to get some photos because her friend wanted to create a surprise collage of photos for her bday. I do not have any photos on my phone as i dont take any of her or myself) As she fell asleep her phone was on a messages on instagram. I took her phone and Surprise surprise she is talking to the same guy again inappropriate sexual messages from him, she was inviting him to her girls night out, him saying he is not sure because if he goes on her girls night out he will impregnate her etc. I confronted her again.

She told me he contacted her a few days ago to let her know he wanted to be with her etc. That she does not know why she invited him etc. she knew he was not going to come etc. After I confronted her about this, she allegedly messaged him that she needs to focus on this relationship. And she conveniently deleted all messages, The phone call he made when he told her he wants to be with her etc. i have no evidence of this. Now i am in a situation where my trust issues has skyrocketed.

I have asked her multiple times if she has cheated on me. she says no. For about a week we have not been communicating, just a few words here and there. I havent been thinking love her, but i cant trust her. But what if she is telling the truth? not sure.

Today it seems like the final straw. I have found out that she has blocked me on Instagram. i asked her if she did, she said no she has unfollowed me because I unfollowed her. (which i did not I basically have insta just to communicate with her.) I have noone following me except her and i do not follow anyone.) So i asked her to see if she accidentally blocked me. She said she will check later, (she says this while she is on her phone). So now my trust issues are flaring back up. I asked her again that i dont understand why she cant take 30 seconds to see if she has blocked me or not. She then went into an argument with me; that i am like a dog with a bone and that i am not asking, i am requesting and she does not want to check right now and she does not have to; and she does not want to get into an argument. She has just left for work.

Advice please? the relationship is 10 years on. we are slowly planning the wedding. On one hand she could be telling the truth and she has not been cheating and because of being not up to par with attractiveness she could have allowed this guy to talk to her this way. On the other hand i suspect that she has been cheating and she is an outright liar with no respect to me, my mental state etc.

Advice please cheers? what are your thoughts.

27 comments posted: Saturday, September 23rd, 2023