It happened again.

Hi everyone. So as the title says, I’m once again a BS (45f) and I’ve never been more lost or devastated.

My WH (42) and I have been married 17y and we have a 15y son. WS has had boundary problems our entire marriage. We worked together until it finally blew up in 2018. He had a LDA with "future planning," but they never met in person. He broke it off and went immediately into IC and he has been going until May-ish this year. I immediately went into IC as well and attended until Nov ‘22 when my counselor suddenly passed. We were in MC for a little over 2 years and put all our efforts into R.

Had you asked me the state of my marriage 2 weeks ago, I would have told you it was a long, hard road, but we did it. We had R’d and our marriage is the best it ever was. I was healed. We were healed. He had my most honest, vulnerable and authentic self and I thought I had that in return. I was wrong. I found another woman and he TT’d me to admitting to having EA’s with 3 OW. What is so hurtful is he was still in IC when this started and chose the A’s instead of actually using his IC for support.

I can’t emphasize the time, effort and mental cost I (we) went through to build a new, better marriage after 2018 and it’s a shitter that this is my prize. I am so much more devastated now than I was 5yrs ago. First R, I conceded that our marriage had problems I took responsibility for my part and busted my ass to fix my issues. This time, though, I literally can’t. There’s nothing I can fix. This was 100% HIS choice and I’m really struggling. He threw it all away for people he didn’t even know their names. Just a username on a screen. Never saw, talked on the phone, no pics, nothing. Just unknown persons he carried on with in discord.

He’s "doing the right thing" as far as conventional affair advice goes. NC, deleted discord, back to IC and he’s already attended an SLAA meeting. Which the human in me is glad he reached out, but our relationship is so deeply damaged that it takes my breath away. All I can do is hurt for our son. He understood, at an appropriate level for a 10y, what his father had done and watched with his own eyes as we recovered. Now he’s 15, already experienced infidelity in his personal relationship and really knows what’s up this time. I’m disabled, unable to work, unable to support myself or my son and I’m just so incredibly broken.

12 comments posted: Thursday, October 12th, 2023