Me- mid 40’s - BS Him- mid 40’s- WH
Married 6/20004 1/2 month EA/PA. D-Day 4/4/2023
Emdr - was it helpful?
I am 11 months out from DDay 1, 9 months from Dday2- no new affairs, or sexual acting out, just details he held back- so I consider it DDay 2.
I’ve been in IC for 9 months and it has helped me start taking care of me. The memories and triggers are still strong, my IC has suggested we start EMDR. I’ve been reading and watching videos, it seems to help people, but seems so different than the therapy I’ve been doing.
I’m just curious if anyone has tried EMDR and what your experiences were with it. Did it feel helpful to you?
4 comments posted: Monday, March 11th, 2024
The mind movies are back
I am just over 9 months from DDay 1 and 7 months from DDay 2–additional information
I struggled with going to sleep in the months after DDay, mostly because when I closed my eyes, it was like a projector playing a movie of my WH having sex with his AP. This did go away, I’m in IC, he is in IC and the changes are incredible. We are also in a marriage class with other couples going through infidelity.
I thought the horrible mind movies were over and then last night they started again, just as awful as before. I hardly slept because I don’t want to close my eyes. Why????Why does this have to happen again. I do not want to go through this for months again, but to be honest, I can’t remember what help me move past them last time, any ideas?
My WH is doing the work, reading books in his own, listening and bringing me podcasts that he connects with, diligently working with his therapist and has been NC since the day after DDay, which he told me on his own before ending it with her the next day.
I say those things not to defend him, as he caused this mess, but to say it isn’t something from him triggering this I don’t believe. To be honest, he’s never shown more care for me in our 23 years of marriage.
Any help is appreciated.
6 comments posted: Monday, January 8th, 2024
Trying to move forward, but feeling a backward slide.
I am about 7 1/2 months from DDay. I am BS and my UH started his 4 1/2 month affair a year ago. Since DDay, well the day after, he has been NC, answers my questions willingly, although defensively at times. We both have IC and did a 13 week emergency marriage class and are now in a year long marriage for life group with same people we took the class with.
Truly, he is changing, I think his IC is the best thing that ever happened to him. But it is hard to see how he is evolving, feeling so positive about us, catering to any of my needs he can, reading books- facing his shame and guilt and I am feeling stuck.
I feel like I had those happy feelings, dreams for us, total trust, excitement for more time together as our boys were getting older, and now. . . I feel SO skeptical. It’s like I am sliding backwards into the highly emotional state I thought I was done with. I also am back to questioning without ceasing. I thought that was nearly done too as I thought I’d asked everything I could, but no, my brain keeps the thoughts of the secrets they had together and I feel the drive to know Every Single thing he remembers. He is willing to tell me, but will it really help or will I just find more to obsess about?
I know this is rambling, but I just hoped someone may have insight if they ever felt this way. Thank you for reading.
5 comments posted: Sunday, November 19th, 2023
