How do I stop this?

Hi, fellow warriors. I have a dilemma and I’d really like the brutal truth if you decide to reply. I already know that I am in the wrong so don’t hold back.

So, my husband and I separated for four years. During that time he was casually involved with two women. One he had sex with once and the other twice. He has told me all the details that I shouldn’t have asked and they have stood up under repeated questioning by me even though I really had no right to ask him.

I on the other hand did nothing and saw no one. Not one date. I’m so embarrassed to admit this. I stayed home and took care of my kids and didn’t even meet any other men. I feel like a total loser and I’m taking my negative feelings about myself out on my husband.

He is a great man. He did not cheat because we were legally separated but I still feel betrayed by him, as nonsensical as it sounds. During those four years, he and I fooled around sometimes and he was over to hang out with the kids above and beyond what he was mandated to do.

He constantly tells me now that he always loved me that whole time and he loves me now as much as he did when we got married 20 years ago. The problem is me and my mind. I cannot stop thinking of him with them. I make up stuff that never happened. He tells me his experiences were awful and embarrassing and depressing but honestly if a guy gets erect and has an orgasm, how awful could it have been? I don’t buy it. I think he’s trying to protect me by saying how terrible those relationships were.

I’m ruining my second chance with the man I love who is right now sitting with my mom in the dementia unit while I’m at work. He is so thoughtful, kind, considerate and patient with me. Why can I not stop living in his past? My heart hurts so much over this and I really think it’s because I’m jealous that I didn’t fool around with anyone when I could have. I’m so confused. Again, I know I’m wrong and I know that so many of you have far worse stories than I.

I’d truly appreciate any honest feedback about how to stop this destructive obsessing about him with these women. Nothing you say would hurt my feelings as I’m already beating myself up on an hourly basis. Thanks!

14 comments posted: Tuesday, March 19th, 2024

Images

Good morning, fellow warriors. Long story short, my husband and I were separated and decided to reconcile. During the separation he was briefly involved with two women. Even though we were legally separated, I am insanely jealous and am tormented literally every day by detailed images of him with them.

Please please please if anyone has any advice regarding getting these intrusive obsessive thoughts out of my head, let me know. Any and all advice will be appreciated. I understand that I don’t really have the right to complain since we weren’t together at the time, but my mind is a dark scary place and not really rational right now. I just need to know how or if you ever get these images out of your life.

Thank you so much for any information or just positivity you can send my way.

8 comments posted: Tuesday, November 28th, 2023