Verification for the sake of trust.

This is my first time posting. I am just passed year two of... whatever you want to call my experience (let's just call it Recon, because fully committing to the word reconciliation doesn't feel honest or accurate). I am a BS, who has been in a 10-year relationship, half of it married, the other half getting my shit together so that I could feel good about getting married. The unmarried years were undoubtedly the highlight in my case, as I was young and silly and verifiably untraumatized. This site has given me a lot of perspective throughout the last two-years, but I feel I have reached a point where I need to actually utilize the wisdom provided with a major question that I have been struggling with. I am struggling with trust (obviously) but specifically due to the fact that I do not believe the story my WW has provided. My intuition, combined with intense defensiveness on the subject has made it impossible for me to believe. I believe parts of it sure, and logically I don't know shit, so I am in a limbo of sorts. I'm stuck. I feel an intense, even more than intense, an innate NEED to have full proof that I have all of the facts. I need verification in order to get unstuck here. I need to know everything so that I may have the necessary truth, and with it the reality, that is required to make the right decision, MY INFORMED DECISION moving forward. My question is around verification and the necessity of verification in relation to trust in this process. All wisdom shared on the topic is most graciously appreciated! I am very unhappy with where I am at and am even considering walking away but... I could really use some perspective on the matter. I refuse to make my future choices without the surest and purest of intent and... well I could use some support because I'm one stuck fella!

21 comments posted: Sunday, December 3rd, 2023