Wife cheating on me and still in contact with AP

Hello all

I unfortunately find myself posting after reading for a few weeks and trying to come to terms with my new reality.

I'm hoping that sharing my situation will help me unpack it a bit and also lead to some great advice being offered.

I am 37(m), and been married to my wife 36(f) 8 years as of next week.

We have two beautiful children under 6, and we have literally just recently moved into our dream (what I guess was supposed to be) forever home in the summer.

The forever home needed a little bit of work done so we employed a builder and his team to undertake the work which took about 3 weeks.

Due to certain work stresses, the prolonged house move, and having young kids I have been suffering with a bit of low mood and mild depression over the last 9-12 months.

My whole world turned upside down a month ago today when my wife told me she was having an affair with one of the building team. It was happening in our marital bed whilst I was at work and the kids in school, in hotels under the guise of her going out with her mates and staying over' and at his place.

I've seen messages between them, saying they love each other, talking about having a 3rd baby together, getting married.

I'm utterly heart broken and have been on anti depressants since and awaiting counselling referral.

After the initial rows and trying to get as much information as possible, I said she had to end all contact immediately and focus on us 100%. She resisted this but I love her so much and don't want to throw my family away, so I persevered for another week before setting an ultimatum which she agreed to. This ultimatum was 7 days ago.

Fast forward to today, and I have found messages and let's just say they are still well in contact, even as of half an hour ago.

I haven't confronted her on these recent message discoveries yet.

I am lost, deeply depressed, scared to leave to become a weekend dad, and scared to stay as I'm obviously being completely disrespected and mean nothing to her at the moment, and this looks like it will continue to happen anyways regardless of what I say or do.

What do I do? I feel like I'm limping towards splitting up with the love of my life and throwing my family life away. I am really struggling to cope.

278 comments posted: Thursday, January 18th, 2024