Am I mad to do this?

Hello all.

This is my first post here.

I found out about my partner's long affair 7 months ago. We had been together for 5 years at that stage.

I had been so happy with the relationship on all sorts of fronts.

We are both divorced. She divorced as a result of the discovery of an affair she had back then (due to an abusive husband). I divorced due to my ex wife having an affair.

She (partner, not ex wife), unknown to me, continued this affair throughout our 5 year relationship.

I was obviously utterly devastated at this - not just because it was the second time to happen to me, but it had seemed so perfect, our relationship, and she knew how much pain I suffered with the discovery of the affair in my previous marriage.

She is exceptionally clever and, even though I was somewhat on heightened alert due to my previous experience, I didn't know or suspect a thing until right at the end.

A few months later we randomly got back in touch and she couldn't have appeared to be more contrite (I use this word carefully and deliberately). She very much wanted to get back together again, and to be honest I was missing the good times and exceptional camaraderie we had prior to the discovery. I agreed eventually, but cautiously. Obviously trust was utterly destroyed but In my mind I thought I'd give it a year and if the trust hadn't returned by then I'd throw in the towel.

Thing is, I'm no spring chicken and I fear I may be wasting precious time hanging around waiting for this - as I said she's very clever and savvy and I've no idea whether she really is this 'reformed character' she said she was. She could be still having this affair (we live in separate houses) for all know. She said 'all the right things' in the previous 5 years as to the affair that ended her marriage having ended and had me utterly convinced. She is saying the same 'right things' now.

Perhaps I should quit but I'm so hesitant as we just get on so damn well. It'd be close to perfect if it wasn't for this giant festering behemoth of the affair.

Am I mad to continue with this? I must admit to sometimes feeling a schmuck and a weakling for getting back together.

24 comments posted: Tuesday, April 23rd, 2024