Here goes...

I've been lurking for a few weeks and finally feeling strong enough to share my story.

I've been with my WH for 15 years and married 7 with a 6 year old child together.

I found out at the start of the year my husband had a ONS.

He had symptoms of a UTI and I jokingly said you better not have an STI. After seeing the panic on his face my world came crashing down. He went to the doctor's who couldn't seem to diagnose UTI and then went and got an STI test, he still wasn't forthcoming about the ONS until I basically badgered him and he eventually admitted to it. At the time he said he couldn't remember exactly when it was but was years ago, after lots more questioning I managed to work out the night in question (back in 2019) he says it was a random woman from a club and they went back to her house, he didn't finish (too much to drink rather than guilt) and then he left.

Not excusing his behaviour but at the time he was taking drugs which I knew a little about, I thought at the time it was the odd occurrence but later found out it had become an addition. He stopped the drugs all together about a year ago which I know for a fact as he will do tests to prove.

To begin with I was strangely calm and considered but now we're 4-5 weeks on its actually sinking in and I'm so angry and hurt. It's holding me back that he 'can't remember' this woman's name or specifically where she lives. He has given the area which she lives. I know it makes no difference but I feel like it would validate the story in my head which is currently ever so vague. I must admit he has provided all other details I've asked for without hesitation.

He seems genuinely remorseful and has been absolutely devastated seeing the impact this has had on me, luckily the std tests came back negative and he sobbed in relief after convincing himself he had possibly given me something and I'd have had it for 4 years. He has started IC and has been understanding in whatever I've asked for and isn't putting pressure on me to make a decision. He has made it clear he's in it for as long as I'll allow him to be and he is vowing to do whatever it takes to prove he is a safe person.

I'm not even sure what I'm hoping to gain by sharing this, but whilst R is on the table I'm not ready to share with friends or family.

I may be naive but I'm not actually thinking about what if he does it again, it's more just the hurt of how could he do this to me and our daughter, was this just a one off and how the hell do I ever move past it.

Sorry that was an awful lot longer and more jumbled than I expected it to be so well done if you've made it this far.

10 comments posted: Saturday, February 3rd, 2024