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Patience is a virtue?

Hello there. I just joined here and have spent a couple days reading lots of great posts and information. I’ve always been sort of a psychology junkie (not professional) and am intrigued by human nature.
What I’ve read so far has confirmed, validated if you will, some of my emotions, and at the same time I’ve learned a lot.
So I confirmed what I had suspected was happening ten days ago. It wasn’t difficult to read my wife and how she was being different since reconnecting with a close friend who she hadn’t seen or talked to in quite some time. But it quickly morphed in to something. I checked phone records and saw a whole lot of phone calls, at times she always seemed busy doing things. I accused her of an emotional affair because of that and other observations I had made. She dismissed me, and asked me if I was trying to sabotage our marriage.
But things continued, and a few days later, I happen upon her phone that she left sitting there, and I confirmed the worst.
What has followed has been a lot of denials, minimizing what’s truly going on, and, of course, blaming me for a lot of things. Then a couple days later, she claimed that she had a conversation with him to tell him they needed to stop what they were doing. The following day, intercepted her phone again, and found that they had spent all day texting back-and-forth, continuing their love fest. Then again, minimizing, and claiming it wasn’t all that it seemed. And again, she was going to stop, she said.
I will be forthcoming here and say that more than three years ago, she caught me having inappropriate conversations with a female friend. It did not turn into anything physical, and I cut that person out of my life as soon as she found out. She tells me she is still not recovered from that, and she is certainly bringing it up now quite a lot. She only admits how deep things have gotten with him when confronted with too much information that I have confirmed.
Without boring you with all the details, I will say that I have already slipped up and said and done some of the things that this forum tells me not to do. But I am learning as I go. I am trying to be patient here.
The worst part about all of this is that she keeps telling me that she is going to keep him as a friend, and knock off all the indiscretions.
As I do lose this patience at times, I have gotten angry and pushed ultimatums with her. I have told her that there is no place in our marriage for her friendship after what has happened. There are a lot of tiny details that might help anyone understand our entire situation better. Feel free to ask me any questions about this. I have told her that what she is doing, what she is feeling is not as unique as she thinks it is. I have had so many mood swings, I have of course been consumed with all of this. Trying to decide what to do next. We have a blended family, our kids are grown, we do not share kids in common. I am very close with my own kids, and they would never forgive her if they found out about this. but I need my kids close to me right now. They are going to know something is up.
Any guidance on my next moves over the coming days would be appreciated. I am currently working overnight, and I left home on a very bad note with her. Now she is trying to text me and make random conversation. I want to hold fast and keep a wall up until she can snap out of the fog she has put herself in.

36 comments posted: Friday, March 1st, 2024

Patience is a virtue? (moved to General)

  This Topic has been moved to General

0 comment posted: Friday, March 1st, 2024