In need of support

Day 4 post D day and I managed not to cry myself to sleep last night for the first time. I still haven’t mentioned anything to him or to anyone and I’m trying to get all my ducks in a row before I do, just in case I decide to leave. Yesterday I was able to look at his phone again and messages from OW saying she is done, she’s sick of being his play thing at work and he has been prioritising his family since ‘she popped’ meaning since I had our second child (who is nearly 8 months old). It seems this A has been going on for years. I did suspect it had been long term but this confirms at least 8 months. My gut tells me it’s a couple of years. The thing that really hurts is that his replies are basically begging her not to leave him and telling her that he loves her. Then he talks to me about our future like we are going to be together forever. Seeing the way he acts towards me at home and knowing he is texting OW on the side has truly been eye opening the last couple of days. I breastfeed my daughter and it disgusts me that he has not only put my health but my daughter’s health at risk for anything that can transfer through my breastmilk. Not to mention this would have been going on during my pregnancy too. I can’t fathom the type of person it takes to do this, the lies and the deception. I don’t believe I know anything about this person anymore. The thing is that even though I’m feeling all of this I’m still not certain I will leave him. I just can’t bear the thought of ripping my children’s life out from under them and then only being able to see them 50% of the time. Is it worth my unhappiness to keep this family together? I feel like I need to give it a go for the sake of my kids. I will ultimately make my decision once I bring it up with him and it will depend a lot on his reaction and the days/weeks following. I’m just so broken right now and still in disbelief. I feel physically ill. We have been together 11 years and we have 2 children.

50 comments posted: Sunday, March 10th, 2024