Who did they cheat with?

I might be wrong, but I suppose those who would cheat by having a quick fling or a one night stand or the like are more likely to be men.

In you experience, did the woman always cheat with men they knew fairly well and were comfortable with?

29 comments posted: Saturday, April 20th, 2024

Am I exaggerating?

I am 49M, divorced. She is 37F, divorced. We are engaged but live separately. She has a kid. Been together for 4 years.

I am convinced she has been cheating.

First red flag for me was when she admitted to me that she had an affair while she was married. She admitted soon after we met and although I appreciated that she admitted it on her own, it still felt like she was obscuring or fabricating some details. The main red flag for me was that she couldn't articulate WHY she had that affair. She supposedly still loved her husband and cared about him. All I got was that she was alone in a different country for 2 months and it was purely physical. Anyways, that was 7-8 years ago so I put it behind me.

A few weeks ago, I found out a few things:

1. She was texting an ex-colleague. Something felt off in the way she was talking so I asked to see the text messages but she said she deleted them. She later admitted she sent him a silly sexual joke... she claims it was the only time they ever texted.

2. She was also texting another ex-colleague. She actually kept the conversations and showed them to me. There was nothing inappropriate, but she is sharing details about her day and telling him she misses him. His responses are very appropriate, but the weird thing is that he did not respond to those "I miss you" messages. Not even with an "I miss you too" or anything. So either he is avoiding her (WHY?), or she deleted his responses. I asked to see his profile on LinkedIn and somehow magically they are no longer connected... (who deleted who and why?). He is married and lives in a different country - which she had visited for a week once when she first got the job. Gut feeling is that something happened between them during that time.

3. She is someone who is glued to her phone and looks at notifications right away. She even reads her texts and texts me back while driving - something we argue about. Now and then she claims she didn't get a notification or that she missed my messages, or bad signal etc... or just leaving me on 'read' for 1-2 hours (we use whatsapp). I know she is lying.

The really weird and confusing thing is that everything else is just great. She seems to have a genuine desire for me. But I have a very strong feeling she is lying. And I want to end it but I don't have proof.

Talking to her, she gets angry and defensive and her stories always feel incomplete. There is definitely some gaslighting involved, accusing me of having trust issues. I feel tormented. I think I can catch her if I decide to. But I hate playing these games. What if I am wrong?

Feeling tormented and confused. Am I exaggerating?

28 comments posted: Tuesday, March 12th, 2024

Can't Get her to Admit Anything. Am I off?

I am 49M, divorced. She is 37F, divorced. We are engaged but live separately. She has a kid. Been together for 4 years.

I am convinced she has been cheating.

First red flag for me was when she admitted to me that she had an affair while she was married. She admitted soon after we met and although I appreciated that she admitted it on her own, it still felt like she was obscuring or fabricating some details. The main red flag for me was that she couldn't articulate WHY she had that affair. She supposedly still loved her husband and cared about him. All I got was that she was alone in a different country for 2 months and it was purely physical. Anyways, that was 7-8 years ago so I put it behind me.

A few weeks ago, I found out a few things:

1. She was texting an ex-colleague. Something felt off in the way she was talking so I asked to see the text messages but she said she deleted them. She later admitted she sent him a silly sexual joke... she claims it was the only time they ever texted.

2. She was also texting another ex-colleague. She actually kept the conversations and showed them to me. There was nothing inappropriate, but she is sharing details about her day and telling him she misses him. His responses are very appropriate, but the weird thing is that he did not respond to those "I miss you" messages. Not even with an "I miss you too" or anything. So either he is avoiding her (WHY?), or she deleted his responses. I asked to see his profile on LinkedIn and somehow magically they are no longer connected... (who deleted who and why?). He is married and lives in a different country - which she had visited for a week once when she first got the job. Gut feeling is that something happened between them during that time.

3. She is someone who is glued to her phone and looks at notifications right away. She even reads her texts and texts me back while driving. Now and then she claims she didn't get a notification or that she missed my messages, or bad signal etc... or just leaving me on 'read' for 1-2 hours (we use whatsapp). I know she is lying.

The really weird and confusing thing is that everything else is just great. She seems to have a genuine desire for me. But I have a very strong feeling she is lying. And I want to end it but I don't have proof.

Talking to her, she gets angry and defensive and her stories always feel incomplete. There is definitely some gaslighting involved, accusing me of having trust issues. I feel tormented. I think I can catch her if I decide to. But I hate playing these games. What if I am wrong?

Feeling tormented and confused. Am I off and exaggerating?

7 comments posted: Tuesday, March 12th, 2024