Wife has been having affair, but still loves me?

I'm here because I have no one to talk to. My guy friends and my family aren't impartial, and I also don't want to let the whole world know I'm going through this yet. It's really embarrassing.

Long story short, mine is a very familiar tale. Just found out wife has been having an affair with her former boss who lives 1500 miles away. At first it sounded like maybe just an emotional affair.

When I brought it up and we talked, she says "I'm not happy" and all the usual things. She's seeing a therapist too, not sure if she's getting good or bad advice there. We're still living together, with our 4yo child, not really "separated" yet. It's a weird, weird limbo I'm in.

After learning of the affair, we still spent time together 3 days in a row. Watched movies. Listened to music. Went to a friend's birthday event. Played with our kid. Exercised together. And had amazing sex two nights in a row.

She says we can try to make this work. I'm not convinced, but optimistic.

I'm trying to do all the right things, focus on myself, and stay strong. But then I get totally caught off guard by things like THIS.

I was feeling good today, things were going well, and just went to drive my wife's car (we switch cars a lot), and I see it's trying to connect to this other guy's phone.

Meaning he was in the car, and recently.

Worse, the rearview mirror in her car was broken recently and we got it fixed. I genuinely believed it might have been our kid who damaged it.

But no, now I'm thinking she was banging this guy IN our car recently.

NOW, I'm totally emotional and angry and it's messed up my whole day.

My wife kissed me before she left on her work trip last night. Said I love you multiple times. We had really good sex just 2 days ago, and the day before that.

But then I find this.

She says she wants to work on things. She's been affectionate and I've felt optimistic. But I'm confused.

Part of me wants to text her RIGHT NOW and say I saw this, and now I don't believe she didn't see him recently on her last trip, and I shouldn't have to be treated like this. And basically give her an ultimatum.

But I'm not sure if that will make anything any better. Help!

175 comments posted: Tuesday, April 9th, 2024