A Question for WSs about sex wit the AP

Yesterday we were talking about a couple we know. They' re young and their first child is 6 years old. My husband commented "It might have happened by mistake" (this is because the man is really a cold person, you can't imagine him having sex or showing affection to anyone).
I commented "In 2018 I refuse to think that a person with a scientific degree doesn't know how to prevent a pregnancy" to which my husband says "Maybe he knew it wouldn't be a problem if she got pregnant, they would have get married anyway".

Now when my husband had his long term affair I asked him if they took precautions and he answered "I trusted HER" which obviously means he did not take any precautions and I am wondering, probably stupidly, after many years, what he would have done had she become pregnant (He was in his 50s and she was in her 40s with no children (And to be honest I cannot see her with children since she is so focussed on herself and on her image and sports activities). It doesn't make a difference to me and anyway we are only speculating, but I would love to hear some people who experienced something similar.

SO FOR THOSE WS WHO DID NOT TAKE PRECAUTIONS, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? What was the reason you did not take precautions? What your rationale?

I strongly believe he did not care, he would have insisted she would go for abortion, because his selfishness was at its peak, he only saw what he could enjoy. And that applies to her, too.

Can anyone provide their line of thinking?

2 comments posted: Monday, October 7th, 2024

Any who is happily divorced after being cheated on?

Question for xBS: Did all your worries and pain disappear just because you got divorced? Did all the hurt that you suffered form the betrayal disappear? Are you happy now that your life has dramatically changed? Do you feel it was the best decision for you after trying to reconcile?

Question for x WS: Was it a relief to get divorced? Did you realise that the affair had changed you forever or do you regret your decision and you wished you had your spouse back, your family united?

16 comments posted: Thursday, April 18th, 2024

Anyone from...

Is anyone form the UK? It helps me see things from a specific legal perspective.

0 comment posted: Thursday, April 11th, 2024

What do you do?

What activities do you do to keep fit and to keep your morale high after 50?

22 comments posted: Wednesday, April 10th, 2024

An incredible voice

This is for me the most angelic voice EVER!

Antonella Ruggiero, look for TI SENTO.

0 comment posted: Wednesday, April 10th, 2024

What is love?

Hi everybody,

I have my idea of what Love is but I would like to hear your concept of it.

I am a BS and when I hear my WS say "I love you" sometimes it makes me cringe.

In an A in my opinion people confuse "love" with what THEY FEEL, a kind of propelling force aimed at THEIR OWN WELL-BEING, a self-centred emotion, in which THEY are at the centre. When I read about "love" in those circumstances, I know that is NOT LOVE.

For it to be LOVE the centre is not yourself but the other, so you make choices that will benefit the other person, will make them find inner peace and consequently, you will be serene and happy, too. If you think of your love for your children, probably you get what I mean. You are prepared to make sacrifices to make sure they are happy, because if they are happy, so are you.

In a romantic relationship it is not possible to split what you FEEL for a person and the actions you take to make them feel well, respected, at the centre of your attention, desired, looked after. You can have feelings for your cat and even your car. But that doesn’t mean you LOVE them.

So when a WS tells you that during the affair they have never stopped loving you they probably mean they had FEELINGS for you but if they had LOVED you, they would have not voluntarily chosen to HURT YOU, deceive you, ignore your needs because their attention shifted from the loved person to THEMSELVES.

Not protecting the couple from external invasions and choosing to stab your spouse in the back are clear demonstrations of LACK OF LOVE.

So how do WS learn to LOVE? How do they mature and put the loved one at the centre of their thoughts and actions?

11 comments posted: Tuesday, April 9th, 2024

What is love? (moved to General)

  This Topic has been moved to General

0 comment posted: Monday, April 8th, 2024