Just need to vent tonight-anyone else get blamed for everything?
I am just so tired and done with it all. I want to curl into a ball and cry. I seem to get blamed for every little thing that goes wrong after the A was exposed (no remorse, no apologies).
1) People next door sold their house to a developer who is building a huge 4-plex next to our little house - all my fault because I didn’t want to sell and move 20 years ago.
2) His cell phone lost and says I threw it out on purpose - later found in my sisters couch where he dropped it.
3) Folder with all the receipts from an insurance claim, says I must have thrown it out with the recycling papers and gave me 2 days silent treatment - he found it in the garage where he took it to read
4) Tore bedroom apart looking for his long underwear and couldn’t find them - I found them on the top shelf of his closet with a pile of ball caps and jeans after he cleaned out the dresser in the spring, says I must have put them there as he would never do that. I don’t touch his f—-king crap except to fold the laundry
5) Says he hates this city since we moved here in 1980 - never bothered him back then as reason moving here was to get away from a place he probably screwed half the women in the area we lived in
So sick of this bullshit. 
12 comments posted: Friday, November 22nd, 2024
Terrible Thing
Something terrible has happened and I feel sick and horrified. Need some kind thoughts tonight. My daughter’s 1 year old collie mix attacked her dear sweet 17 year old border collie. He was hurt so badly he died. We don’t know what to do and are shattered. Our hearts are broken. I have read this is more common than you think but is not talked about much. It’s the survival of the fittest instinct in some cases. The young dog had been acting aggressive towards him but recently was ok. This happened after my daughter and husband were at work.
8 comments posted: Sunday, October 6th, 2024
Technical Question
Anyone know about data usage on older Samsung J10 cell phone. My senses are telling me something is not right with WH usage. I don’t know enough about it but don’t trust him one bit when he says he has no contact with AP. There are no texts since March of last year but I have noticed an increase in number of mb used per month. I think this indicates they may be messaging or emailing. He tried to tell me because he has a lot of pictures this may be from the backup on his phone. I have newer model of same phone and may have 0.50 mb per month where he uses 150 - 250 per month. Today I saw usage of 4.78 mb at 6:45 am and another 10.75 mb at 8:30 am when he got up. This is very suspicious to me. Anyone have any insight? I don’t think it’s normal and he is continuing to lie to me, no surprise.
5 comments posted: Sunday, August 4th, 2024
My Happy Place Is Burning
Very sad today. For those not familiar with Jasper National Park in the Canadian Rockies it is one of the most beautiful, breathtaking areas in Canada. We have been going there since the 1960s. It is the place my daughter and I go to every year to rejuvenate our spirits and our minds. Sadly a huge wildfire has devastated the town and thousands of hectares of mountain forests. Much of the 100+ year old town is gone, so much history and peoples homes and livelihoods gone. They say up to half the 1900 structures are gone. Praying for those who have lost everything, and mourning a great loss.
2 comments posted: Thursday, July 25th, 2024
Now I Don’t Even Have A Name
I am extremely upset tonight by a couple of things I read oh WH phone. He usually hides it in the garage at night but tonight I saw it in his pocket and took advantage to read it after he went to bed. Nothing unexpected as I know he edits the text trails between him and his POS sister. I don’t know why I feel guilty looking at it after the hell he inflicted on our lives. Recently I bought us some security cameras as we’ve had a few incidents in the area. I was good enough to help him research different ones and order them. Then I read in his texts to her a few days ago that they will be good to see "her" coming up to the garage when he’s in there. I guess I don’t even rate a name now after nearly 50 years together. This really upset me as I know how mean and backstabbing they are to me. By the way his sister is the one who facilitated the cheating in the 70s and then gave him the APs number last year to reconnect with the tramp.
Then I read back on some texts to the sisters daughter and found one from last year where he says " he was so glad to reconnect with his sister and AP that he cried". I am more upset than ever now and want to throw up my hands and give up. He has inflicted so much pain on me in my life and I doubt he ever cried over me.
I had a meltdown a couple of days ago when we sitting outside. I have been having a really hard time now 18 months out. I just broke down and cried. He just looked at me and said what’s wrong. I said I can’t believe you would do what you did to me calling that whore and flaunting it in my face for 2 and a half months (over 3000 texts saying we’re just friends). He said "it’s been nearly two years and you’re just dragging this out". I got up and went in the house. He came in 15 minutes later as if it never happened.
For reasons I won’t go into right now I am staying with him but don’t know for how long. He will not admit doing anything wrong and thinks this whole shitshow is okay. I am broken and destroyed.
5 comments posted: Thursday, July 11th, 2024
Dealing with My Emotions Regarding Sister in Law
I’m having a really hard time today trying to keep my emotions in check regarding my WH and his sister. For those who have read my story my POS SIL helped my WH more than forty years ago hook up with his AP (her best friend) even though he was living with me and our daughter. We separated for 2 and a half years and he returned professing his vow to be faithful to me and that he loved me and wanted to start over. We moved away and all contact stopped with AP and we got on with our lives. I did not know about AP sleeping with him again when he returned after our separation way back then. He lied the whole time and kept the secret all these years. Apparently so did the POS SIL. When their mother died they had a big fight and didn’t speak for 13 years. He went to visit her and make up in 2022 after his cancer treatments ended. How wonderful for them both as they discussed his desire to reconnect with AP and POS SIL gladly gave him her number. Guess no one thought or cared about how I would feel. He contacted AP January 2023 and I found out same day. It’s been hell on earth for me since then. He continued texting for 2 months and 10 days and acted like the typical lovesick cheater, but flaunted it in my face. I cried and raged at him but he was oblivious to my pain, saying the usual "just friends" bullshit. Then all the texting to her stopped. He claimed it was getting too crazy (no explanation wtf that meant). Since then all I get is trickle truth but more like "why don’t I get over it", insisting it was completely innocent (over 2900 texts between them and 1600 with POS SIL).
One of my issues I am dealing with is that I know whatever WH said to AP she probably told POS SIL all of it. I am humiliated and enraged by this, knowing that they all talked behind my back laughing at me for being the unwitting chump again. My blood boils and I cry with the whole messed up situation. Does anyone else have this issue or a similar one? He texts his sister every day and usually she sends one back, but sometimes 20 or 30. I think she is sending updates on AP even though he says she rarely sends anymore. What infuriates me is that I feel I have been cut of his side of the family, except for his brother, who ironically also slept with AP back in the day before WH did. WH only texts or talks to his sister from the garage, never in front of me so what is he hiding? I have asked him over and over to include me in family information or news and he just won’t unless I make a big deal out of it. This is not normal and only hurts me more. Any hope of a normal family relationship is lost to me and I will never speak to POS SIL again but for him to withhold information from me I think is cruel. Any thoughts?
9 comments posted: Sunday, May 5th, 2024
Three times same AP
I never in a million years thought I would be in this terrible soul crushing situation. I am in a never ending nightmare that is now my life. I am 42 years married but with him 52 years. WH was my first love since I was 17. Before we married we got pregnant when I was 18 after I left home to get away from an alcoholic father and stepmother. My mother had abandoned us for a man in the US when I was 12 and my sister was 8 and moved there. WH said he was too young to be a father but wanted to raise our child together.
The first cheating started when our child was about 2 and a half, maybe sooner I’m not sure. There were several I found out about and probably more I never knew. I stupidly forgave him as I was young and afraid of him abandoning me like my mother. One of the sluts was the best friend of his sister who always had a crush on him. She had also slept with his brother first, then WH, then had an affair with a married man later on I heard and got pregnant. POS SIL was the one who facilitated the hookups and she was happy her brother and friend "found" each other. 🤮 This was all behind my back while SIL pretending to be my friend. Bottom line is he left to stay with his brother in another province "to find himself". He soon moved one of his bottom feeder sluts into a place out there for about 3 months then she left him. He was gone 2 and a half years.
The next thing I know WH says he wants to come home. Says he’s so sorry for everything and that he loves me and wants us to start over by moving far away from all the things and people who interfered in our lives, especially his interfering sister. Apologized profusely for his "stupidity and immaturity". I was young and dumb so I took a leap of faith and said okay as long as we left the bullsh*t behind for good. He was totally okay with that and we went out west. Eventually got jobs, married a year later and had 42 years of what I thought was a good marriage. Never once did I bring up the past and he was honestly a trustworthy and loving person. I never doubted him ever. I inherited some money when my dad and stepmother passed away and I never hesitated to pay off our mortgage and do repairs needed to the house. I was happy to do it.
Since COVID our lives have been affected in ways I never dreamed of. In 2020 I had a knee replacement and found out I had breast cancer the same week. I had six surgeries including a mastectomy. To say the least I was under tremendous stress. Right when I had my last surgery in 2022 WH was diagnosed with prostate cancer and began radiation and hormone therapy treatment. That was worse than my situation as the hormone suppression left him a miserable emotional wreck. He cried at everything and no matter what I did he either yelled at me, told me to leave him alone or cried. I asked him to call his doctor or a therapist but he refused.
He told me he wanted to make up with his estranged sister. They had never really been close since we moved out here 44 years ago but had a terrible fight when their mother died. Hadn’t spoken in 13 years.
He bought a ticket and I was perfectly happy for him to go visit. When he came home I felt something was off right away. He started hiding his phone and turned off the ringer. WH started criticizing me for every little thing and would fly into rages at me calling me selfish and saying he blamed me for "dragging" him out here because he hates it. The hormonal swings escalated. On New Year’s Day 2023 I got a notification on our joint email that said his cell phone plan was changed and they needed confirmation. News to me, he never said anything about it. I thought it was a scam or something so I signed onto the cell phone account and was shocked to see hundreds of texts back and forth to a phone number in the US. I always kept track of a few of the pond scum sluts he had cheated with before we moved here. I don’t know why, maybe just to keep that knowledge to myself, maybe to be on guard. I knew phone numbers, addresses, spouses and children, jobs, etc. I knew this phone number. It was the POS SILs friend he had slept with behind my back all those years ago. She was married with adult children.
I confronted him first thing in the morning. He said "Yeah so what? My sister and I started talking about her and she gave me her phone number." I was furious and WH said why are you so mad? I told him I knew he had slept with her behind my back all those years ago when we were living together with a child. Asshole WH said "so what, we weren’t married at the time". I kept crying and saying he had no reason to contact her after 43 years and that’s when he turned my life upside down. WH said "we were in love and I had to make a really hard choice between her and you and our child. I didn’t want our daughter to grow up without a father like I did." Well hell, let me give you a statue and a medal for your supreme sacrifice. Better yet let’s have a ticker tape parade for the long suffering hero! I said you’re telling me you lied to my face saying you loved me back then and he said yes and they started sleeping together as soon as he came back. Well thank you for 44 years of deceit and lies and ruining my need for a peaceful and happy retirement after all our illnesses and suffering. WH says "I don’t care if you’re upset or hurting because she’s my special dear friend, more than a friend really and will always have a piece of my heart. I may even still be in love with her but in a different way." What way is that you heartless pr*ck? She was a child back then so how the f*ck are you that delusional to think it was some great love affair. It’s a fantasy in your mind you’re trying to recreate. Hormones in full swing now.
WH also said he had no intention of stopping texting her as he likes talking to her and it’s only harmless texts. She is all in too. He arrogantly flaunts it in my face by texting her all hours of the day and reserves between 8 and 10 at night to run to the garage to text with her after her husband is in bed. Phone was always hidden, in pockets, never left out of sight. As soon as I left the room it started up. I cried every day and tried to make him see how foolish this is and how it hurt me but he won’t stop. I am a mental and physical wreck because of it. WH keeps gaslighting me saying we’re "just friends talking". Bullshit you show me the phone but it’s blatantly obvious most of the texts have been deleted. Cell phone account says 200 texts in one day but when WH shows me there are only 10 left that day. He deleted the rest. WH says I would "misunderstand some of the things they said". She has a sick adult son and In the middle of all this he dies. Oh, now you’re the shoulder to cry on for your grieving friend. You don’t know them, who do you think you are! My mother also died and all he did was sit on the bed and say sorry then walked away. AP gets hundreds of heartfelt consoling texts and I get nothing.
Weeks of torment and arrogant behaviour. So mean and critical all the time. WH says I’m what’s wrong, he’s not doing anything wrong and I don’t trust him. Ya think? You deceived, disrespected, betrayed, hurt, broke our decision not to bring anything from the past. Destroyed me and our marriage, my hope for the future, my happiness and my security in our relationship. Refuse to acknowledge this is an EA despite all the classic behaviours. Oh my god you are the king of the gaslighters and blame shifters. I tell WH this insanity has to stop. Constantly bringing up stupid things that happened 30,40 or 50 years ago and throwing them in my face now. Resentments he had but never mentioned before. Oh yes and called me selfish, the one who gladly pays for half of everything we buy like cars, furniture and who paid off the mortgage and repairs when I inherited money. Who worked her ass off so we could be comfortable in our retirement.
Suddenly after thousands of texts (more than 2900) and 2 months and 10 days of torturing me it all stops. I’m not a fool there’s probably a burner or an internet app now being used. I have had to tell a few trusted family and friends about all this and they are in disbelief. Can’t believe the kind and caring WH they know could ever do this to me. He lies to our daughter twice when she asks him what’s wrong with mom. Finally he tells her how he just called an old friend and I am jealous. Really I have never been jealous of any of his work lady friends and never had reason to be. Asshole WH says "Oh well she’ll get over it".
Been relatively calm for months now. No direct texts but some every day to SIL. Probably passing messages to AP. WH denies this. Told our daughter he finally stopped texting in March 2023 because it was too upsetting for me. Really? You didn’t seem to care for 2 plus months so why all of a sudden, and never told me. Wouldn’t that be the logical thing to do . I don’t believe you, APs clueless husband must have caught her or like I suspect a burner or app is being used. I am so tempted to call OB but decided to wait as they lost their son and disclosure may be too much for him.
There are no conversations about it as WH vehemently denies anything other than they were "just friends" and gets wildly defensive. I cry every single day at WH apathy and willingness to crush my heart. He half heartedly tells me he loves me but only when asked or prompted. He continues to hide things from me like sending Christmas and birthday cards and gift cards to SIL families from just him and not signing my name and hiding the receipt and paying out of his savings account. Getting cards from them addressed only to him, not me and he doesn’t have my back or the balls to stand up to them on my behalf because they are in on his dirty little secret and you all got caught.
WH tells me after some prodding he is not communicating with AP in any way, even through his sister. Wonders why I don’t believe him. Don’t know what to do as I have sick feeling this EA is not over. Asked him to promise me he would never, ever contact her again no matter what and he said.
He told our daughter it ended because it was hurtful to me but he has forgotten that and now says he told AP it had to stop because "things were getting too messed up". WTF does that mean? Still insisting it was all innocent even when he sneaked, deceived, disrespected me and lied and deleted things.
So now I am in a place I never wanted or thought I would be in. WH will not admit to the EA or that contacting her in the first place was even wrong. Either he is a moron or he thinks I am one. Any attempt to discuss it rationally ends in him yelling at me, stomping out or trying to bully me into thinking it’s all AOK. I know this is emotional abuse. At this point I don’t know how to handle this. I am partially disabled so trying to get out to see a therapist would be hard. I have some good friends and family I have confided in and they are horrified at this whole damn mess he has created. SIL probably still facilitating contact with AP i know as she did it back in the Seventies and couldn’t wait to interfere again. I just need to get this out and know that others understand. Not sure of what I want to do yet.
17 comments posted: Thursday, April 18th, 2024
