WS Will not admit details

Hello, I'm new here. Last year in March 2023, I found out that my husband had been frequenting massage parlors and engaging in other activities. This discovery was just the beginning of a series of revelations. Six years ago, we separated (physically but were attempting reconciliation and were not over) because I caught him sexting and communicating with other women. The final straw was when I found out he solicited a prostitute, prompting me to move out. After a year apart, we reconciled after he made some changes.

During the process of uncovering his other activities, I learned that during our separation, he had a two to three-month-long relationship that he had previously lied about, claiming it was innocent activities like hiking. However, it was much more than that. I have detailed information about this relationship, including conversations and pictures, because I spoke with the woman involved, whom he had lied to about our status.

He is unaware that I know about all the details, and his reaction has been defensive everytime I ask him to discuss. He always says he can't remember and that the relationship meant nothing and he was just using her - that is about as detailed as he gets. Although he's attending counseling, he's considering stopping because of the cost and his belief that he's already improved. He still undermines me and becomes angry whenever I bring up the past affair, insisting it's over and refusing to discuss it further. Despite my repeated requests, he hasn't provided any details about the affair. He continues to omit information and claims he doesn't remember, which I find hard to believe given the significance of the relationship. I feel stuck and hopeless because he refuses to be honest and accountable for his actions. It's been six years since the affair, and as far as I know, he hasn't had any similar incidents since then where there was intimacy or emotional aspects only the acting out sex-addiction stuff. I don't want to end our marriage, but I'm unsure of what steps to take. I feel trapped and wonder how long it will take for him to truly confront his behavior. I suppose I'm just venting, but has anyone else experienced something similar?

I want to move forward and dig in to the healing but he wants to sidestep everything :-(

5 comments posted: Thursday, April 18th, 2024