Reconciliation and alcohol

Does anyone have advice about wanting to feel close to your partner but also wanting to draw boundaries around personal drinking? I want to either cut back, which I am, or stop, but I feel like when we drink together it’s a window of closeness? I want these moments so badly but they feel fake because they come with alcohol. Is this ok in the first year of recovery or are they just a bandaid?

10 comments posted: Tuesday, November 12th, 2024

Intuition/ he really didn’t give her gifts?

Hi,
I think I’m having such a hard time getting out of my recent spiral because my intuition is telling g me I’m still being lied to. My IC agrees that I probably am, and then reminds me that I chose to reconcile and need to work on letting the truth go.

Have any of you done this successfully?

Right now I’m dwelling on the denial that they ever exchanged gifts. Besides sex toys - he did admit to that. But seriously? You’re fucking someone for four years who wants to be your wife and either she didn’t try to persuade you with sweet gifts or you don’t try to placate her with gifts? Come on, who believes that? Seriously- does that sound believable???

21 comments posted: Wednesday, October 9th, 2024

Does it hurt more if it happens again?

My IC keeps telling me that she thinks if he cheats again, I won’t be as devastated the next time. It will still hurt but not as badly. Has this happened to anyone? If so, has that been your experience? My first husband cheated on me also, and I can say that the second husband cheating hurts more. That’s the closest I can get to a comparison.

22 comments posted: Wednesday, October 9th, 2024

I need a new best day of my life.

Hello, having a lot of pity parties over here. Hands down my wedding (second one) was the best day of my life. It’s ruined. Just like so many memories that now don’t feel real. What are some new best days of your lives that you guys have created?

7 comments posted: Monday, June 24th, 2024

How much effort should BS put in to lead recovery?

Hi, This is my first post. 7 weeks from DDay. WS is doing a lot of things right. In y'alls experiences, how much effort should I put in to correct and guide his behavior for things I have already told him I need him to do? My brain says to sit back and see if he does it and take notes. My heart wants to keep reminding him of the things I have already said and requested. I'm not even sure if reconciliation is remotely possible. For example, when I have asked when he had one of his affairs, his answers have always started with "I think". WTF. You don't know???? I've asked for this time several times and it's always "I think ..." Or, as we are living apart now, he said he isn't sure how much to contact me. I have said over and over that the more contact the better. I'm dying here and I'll either be grateful for the connection or ignore him, but his job is to at least try. So why do I feel like he doesn't reach out enough? He doesn't ask me to take a walk or anything. He's not pro-active which I've told him I need him to be. So, bottom line - the big things he is doing right (signing post nup, changing jobs, quitting drinking). What about the day to day things - how much do I guide this process to really see what he is capable of?

10 comments posted: Friday, May 17th, 2024