Voice activated recorders

I’ve decided one of the only options for me to get real answers is to place a VAR in the vehicle. Has anyone has experience with this? I’ve never used one and I don’t even know where to begin? Any recommendations? Thank you.

4 comments posted: Tuesday, April 30th, 2024

It’s a shock

I just found out that my partner of 10 years has been cheating on me. We have 2 kids together, and to say the least I am completely devastated. Last summer I found a condom in his wallet by complete accident. I went into his wallet to look for some small bills to pay someone and I opened up the small zip compartment and there it was. I had a tubal done after our last child was born so we definitely did not use condoms. I was so angry in that moment. In hindsight, the smart thing to do would have been to not say anything BUT we all know how hard that is!! I couldn’t help myself and I confronted him about it. He told me it was to make things more interesting in bed with us. So it would last longer. And I wanted so badly to believe him that I actually did!! But I’d be lying if it wasn’t there in my mind this whole time and he never did make an attempt to use it for us. So on Valentine’s Day, six months after I found it, I snuck into his truck when he wasn’t home and he had left his wallet. It was still in there but it was different numbers on it. I know I took a picture. I confronted him again about it and he told me he was only interested in us. But that’s when I began to feel like there was something he wasn’t telling me. He’d been fighting with me a lot, never happy no matter what I did, making comments about me being a bad mother, and talking about splitting up every time we would get into an argument. At this point I should have been starting to look into things but i suppose it’s something i NEVER thought he would do.

Fast forward to two weeks ago, he had his phone sitting out on my daughters dresser and a text came through from someone that was talking to him, well like he would talk to me, and she was winking at him talking about wearing less clothing at 7 am. I know at that point but didn’t say anything right then. I don’t have access to his phone, he keeps it on him always. However, thankfully the account is in my name so I went online and looked up the records. All day, every day messages starting at 4-5am into 10 at night, for MONTHS. And another number too. I should not have said anything, I should have started snooping at this point. I could just kick myself for being so foolish but emotions take over. I confronted him and he was so very angry. First, calling me crazy, then after I told him I viewed the records. It shifted and he admitted to talking to not just one but five women. Basically telling me it’s my fault because I’m not meeting his needs and these women are. I was so devastated, especially since he said so easily, like to was actually trying to hurt me!!!! No remorse in his voice at all. I told him I won’t stay in the relationship if he continues to persue other women and that he needed to make a choice. He didn’t choose me right away, he basically said he wasn’t happy with me and that we were not compatible (after 10 years!).

Later on that evening. He cried. Told me he was sorry and that he wanted only us and that he told that other women that we would work it out for our daughter. But he still hasn’t told me the truth about what was happening. For the phone logs, he isn’t talking to them anymore. And I do genuinely feel like he’s trying and wants this BUT I don’t feel I can move on until I know everything, even if it hurts. He tells me he didn’t have sex with them but that he wanted to and that it was going there. I do believe he definitely at least did other things with them, oral sex, at the very least but deep down I think he did more but won’t tell me because he’s afraid I’ll walk on him. He had already deleted all the messages on his phone after I confronted him so I can’t even read what he was writing to them and his phone is older and I don’t think I can access deleted messages. Now I feel like I have lost my chance at finding out what really happened and to what extent he took this. He tells me it could have been anyone, and that he had no connection or true feelings for these women. But I don’t believe that considering he was talking to at least one all day long every day since December. I also need to know he’s completely done, and I don’t trust him now even though I want to. I am a nurse and I work night shifts. He works all day, all I could get out of him is that he he took one on a date after work and out to eat but beyond that he’s like a locked up. He says he ceased talking to any of them and only wants us, so that should be all that matters. Should I try and text this lady and get more information, I did text her once right after I found out and asked who it was. She only said "a work friend" and when I said why are you texting at 4am she said "a conversation you should take up with him." Do you think I should try and talk to her more? I want to monitor things here over the next months and longer if need be to make sure he’s not cheating but now that he knows I have access to phone logs I don’t know what else I can do? This is so awful, it’s completely ruined my state of mind now and I can’t focus on anything else.

6 comments posted: Monday, April 29th, 2024