Your thoughts/opinions on my story.

Hey everyone. This might be a bit long winded, I apologise. I'm sorry if it's in the wrong section, I wasn't sure where to post it. Please feel free to move it to a more relevant section if needed.

I started a new relationship last year. We met online. We met in person a couple of times before deciding to start a relationship. During the time before this I was always aware of a person he would meet for "coffee dates" every Saturday. The first time he told me about this he said it was a man, later down the line he told me it was a woman. Alarm bells immediately start going off in my head, but I didn't question him about it, as we are in a "situationship" at this point. Fast forward to the day we decide to make the relationship official. The first question he asks me is "would you be okay with me continuing to see my friend for coffee every Saturday?". I then felt well within my right to ask him questions about the nature of his relationship with her. I asked him if she was an ex, he said no. I asked if they'd had a sexual relationship, online or offline. He said no. He told me she was "just an old co-worker he meets to catch up with and she is married". His actual response to the question of sex was "No, that would be inappropriate and against my morals" (thinking about this response still pisses me off to this day). I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and trust what he told me, and stupidly agreed that he could meet her, because I didn't want to seem controlling.

Fast forward again to Friday. He's acting weird. He is saying things like "just because it's my usual Saturday, remember that you're the one for me". I thought this was an odd comment to make out of the blue. If nothing was going on, why would he need to reassure me like this? It's the next day. His behaviour is off. I know something is wrong and I know it's related to that woman. He finally breaks and admits he's had an extra marital affair with her which started in 2019, but claims it ended in 2020. Despite the fact that they have been continuing to meet and communicate in secret without her husband's knowledge. He also admits they had phone sex earlier in the year. She also owned a spare set of keys to his car (why? who knows, he wouldn’t even explain why). We had a massive argument which led to me threatening to tell the husband, because he continued to lie to me (trickle truth) even during the argument and hide things that I wanted to know. He also gaslighted me, accused me of "digging into his past" and "being controlling". Despite me having done neither. He agrees to stop contacting her and blocks her social media. We didn't speak for an entire day to let the dust settle. I decide to continue the relationship on the basis that he told me about the affair and agreed to stop communicating with her. We've moved on from it, but I still can't help thinking about it and even worrying that he's still secretly in contact with her.

I also want to make some notes about her. She was extremely abusive (emotionally and occasionally physically) towards my partner. She lied constantly, manipulated him, hid a pregnancy from him and claimed to have had a miscarriage, and physically assaulted him in public numerous times. Yet he still continued his affair with her despite her abuse. I made the point to him that if she's abusive to him, her abuse towards her husband is probably 100 times worse. He said he "didn't give a shit about her husband". I thought this was a disgusting comment to make, and it really displayed his lack of empathy in regards to the effect his affair might have had on the husband. I also made it a point to remind him that the way she treated him was a direct reflection of how she probably treats her husband, and that she was just using him anyway and obviously had no intention of leaving her husband to be with him, considering her actions/behaviour. He did not like this. This all happened last year. Since then we have had a few heart felt, open and honest discussions about the affair and I have tried to make him see his affair in a different light, from a different perspective. He genuinely seems remorseful now about what he has done and has gone out of his way to make amends.

I'd like to hear some honest thoughts and views on my story, please. If you have any questions feel free to ask.

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24 comments posted: Sunday, May 19th, 2024

Relationships seem pointless.

I feel like cheating is so commonplace now that pursuing relationships is ultimately pointless.

Anyone else feel this way?

4 comments posted: Friday, May 17th, 2024