Crying WH

I’m trying to understand my reaction to my WH’s tears every time I cry. I hate it when he starts crying. It’s been 4 months now since he confessed his one night betrayal, and whenever I get upset and start crying in front of him, he starts crying too. Instead of making me feel better that he feels remorse and feels terrible for hurting me, I get so turned off that I stop crying and just want to get away from him. I can’t quite understand my reaction. It’s like he’s robbing me of something, making the situation about him instead of me. Am I being petty?
I want him to just sit there and tell me he’s sorry in a stoic way. I don’t want to have to feel sorry for him. I don’t want to have to deal with his emotions. I can barely stand my own sadness, I can’t handle his as well.

16 comments posted: Wednesday, July 31st, 2024

What now?

About 2 months ago my husband blurted out that 12 years ago he had had sex with a colleague one drunken night when he lived in a compound, in another country. I had suspected that something had happened between them when I saw a message that she had sent him on his phone, but he had given me a lame excuse and swore that he had never and would never cheat on me. I really wanted to believe him so I chose to ignore my gut feeling that he had cheated. I did bring it up every once in a while throughout the years, but every time he denied that anything had ever happened. Until his guilt became so overwhelming that he could no longer keep this secret inside of him.
His words shattered me. I completely shut down those first few weeks. I stopped eating, sleeping, all I did was lie in my bed and cry. I am now able to function a little better, but I am so heartbroken that this man who was supposed to be my best friend, my soulmate, was able to hurt me this way, to betray me, and then lied to me for 12 years. We have been married 22 years, and more than half our life together feels like a lie.
I’ve made the choice to try and work on our relationship. We are going to couples therapy together. He is very sorry and takes full responsibility for his actions. He is willing to do anything to try and win my trust back. And I want to forgive him. I want our relationship to be saved. But I don’t know how. How do you forgive the unforgivable? How do I get over his betrayal and believe anything he says. All I want to do is protect my heart from any more pain and create distance between us.

11 comments posted: Sunday, June 9th, 2024