BW (59), married 35yrs,DD1 (30yrs ago, LT-PA with my best friend), DD2 (10 yrs ago, with disclosure of 5 more LT-PA over entire 35 yrs)
Affair partner purposfully made me fat
My friend had long affair with my H. I didn't know it was happening during the time and was spilling my guts to this 'friend' with all the details of what was wrong between he and I. This 'friend' would go to fast food restaurants and eat "lots of food" with me to "bury our feelings" in a toxic sort of way. She did this with me over 2 years. I gained 75 lbs and she somehow got thin and fit!?
I later discover that after EVERY meal she had with me she would go throw it up. Her I tent was to make me so fat and unattractive to my husband that he for sure would choose her!
I feel like I have been violated and manipulated (almost like feeling of being raped) by both this trusted friend and my husband.
It is abuse on all levels, but I don't know the "label" for her manipulation to create her desired scenario. Husband did not know of her actions until I told him last night in MC. He was shocked, but we couldn't discuss it in length due to time.
I am stuck in this feeling of being manipulated on so many levels by both of them, that I don't know how to explain what it feels like to KNOW what she was doing and how she used all the info I gave her (I trusted her with my heart and all of our marriage problems) and used it all against me to create a scenario where he felt he wanted to divorce me and spend rest of his life with HER.
While he did end it with her eventually, I am not over the details of what they did, together, to belittle and change me PHYSICALLY.
she is just one of many of his affairs and we have yet gotten to the point in MC where we can discuss this because he still has to get through his massive level of shame in order to actually be able to talk about it.
My dilemma is, what is this called when someone manipulates you to this extreme? My anger towards her is massive on so many levels, and not just for the affair betrayal for the years she worked her way into my life, just so she could try to steal it.
This was over 20+ years ago and I just was told of the methods she used on me by another friend who witnessed her doing it. The betrayal is not just in husband and friends affair, but ALL the other friends who KNEW and didn't tell me so SO many years. I gained so much weight that I resorted to extreme weight loss surgery to alter my body and I am SO angry to know now why I got to that point of obesity. She purposefully sabatoged my efforts to get thin and healthy by binge eating with me saying we were "eating our feelings together". The anger and hatred and rage I feel are overwhelming.
Anyone experience such sabatoge and manipulation by an affair partner?
I want to get to the part in MC where we get to finially talk about how his choices have messed me up and THIS is a major topic. How do I stay sane until that day comes in therapy? I am just so MAD!
7 comments posted: Saturday, November 16th, 2024
