Just looking for some encouragement

My husband and I have been together for 20 years, married 15 years. We both have thriving careers and his is partially thriving because I have supported him and his dreams through him trying to make it work by staying in stable jobs and not taking a chance myself. We have two gorgeous kids and beautiful home - a very happy family. Things have became a bit shaky after pandemic- he has changed drastically and in retrospect all of the signs were there - snappy, a lot of late outings, care about his appearance. I recently (4 mos) ago found that he has been having a 2 year affair with a junior colleague.

They are both very much in love - judging by some message they are apparently made for each other and are so lucky to have what they have as it is so rare.

When the affair first came out he said that our family unit was the most important thing for him. We went into marriage counselling and started to work through all of our issues - lack of sex, romance, communication, general busyness. We agreed that we will not make any decisions until we work through everything. He went NC with another woman. Suddenly, after 2 months of counselling he turned around and said that he made up his mind and he wants a divorce and not only that, he wants it as soon possible! I later found out that they were actually in contact and he has been lying to me and the counsellor.
We are currently on holiday on Greece and I am feeling sad and down. I really do not understand what happened to my kind, loving, family man of a husband - he got replaced by some abrupt and impulsive man who is only thinking about himself. I am also dreading to tell the kids and getting them to get to know the OW who is in my view has acted immorally as well. I am just so sad and broken and the idea of fighting for everything is filling me with dread.

I read a lot of posts on this website and was hopeful that we could reconcile and make our marriage stronger - we get on very well, but he clearly does not want to and after the way he behaved and lied and lied and acted in uncaring way towards his kids, I also have no desire to go that route.

Just looking for some support…we are due to discuss next steps after the holiday and just want to scream- "you f…. - you broke us, you broke the kids, you selfish fool!!!!"

9 comments posted: Monday, August 5th, 2024