Feeling Alone

Hi, my WH left me in May 2024 but broke my heart in April 2024 just days after telling me what a good mother and wife I am. I knew we had issues but I didn't know we were unhappy and while I think every fiber of my being knew he wasn't faithful to me I didn't believe it until I found proof in his phone records and bank statements that showed multiple charges for hotel rooms starting in December and charges in the area where his AP was from. I found all of this in the beginning of June and found a lawyer who drew up the Marital Separation Agreement before the end of June and sent it to my WH. He still hasn't signed or made any moves in regards to actually moving forward with the separation. He also hasn't stayed in the house since the first week of July which gave me a panic attack that he was there.

I feel like this whole experience has changed me and he has also denied the affair when I confronted him about it and said he didn't know what I was talking about and that was a week after I found the evidence. The sad thing is his AP was married to her husband on Sept 9, 2023 and the first hotel charge that I found was Dec 9th, 2023.

These changes haven't been good for me. I feel lost in myself, I rarely smile and I can't understand why someone I have been faithful to and marries to for 16 years can do this to me. I don't understand why he won't just sign the agreement or why he didn't even tell me there was a problem. Unfortunately with lawyer fees I had to stop IC but have continued on depression and anxiety medication which I have been on since February because I thought our issues where because of me and my depression. I now realize it was because I was losing him. He was my best friend and the love of my life but when he threw my SA in my face that happened with a mutual friend because at the time he left me for that guys ex gf, I couldn't believe it. The only reason it happened was because my WH slept with his ex gf 12 years ago and he was mad got me upset and I got really really drunk and he took advantage to get back at my WH. I dealt with that by joining the armed services and before I left we had rekindled our relationship and eventually got married in 2013. I feel like I lost apart of myself, this whole process I know is centered around the grieving process but I also feel like the person I use to be died the day he broke my heart and then again when I discovered proof of his A. I want my life back, I want the man I fell in love with back but I don't know or think that will ever be possible. I cry often, I feel alone even when I'm surrounded by my family because I'm stuck in the thought process of what was so wrong with me, could I have been a better wife but then I also think that for the last 10 years I fought to do better and be better and give us and our family the best life I could. I have a great job, we bought our home 23 months ago, we were financially stable and we were building our future together. Before he left, I told him that he was worth fighting for and our family was worth fighting for, this was before I found out about the affair and even when I found out I told him I miss him before he knew I knew. What is so wrong with me, I have made all the moves I can to give him what he wants for something I don't even want even knowing what I know. Sorry this was so long, I feel broken by the one person in my life I trusted more than anyone, the one person who saw my flaws and loved me anyway. I thought we were forever.

4 comments posted: Sunday, July 28th, 2024

Separated and it isnt what I want

Hi, my husband left me at the end of April and our separation was made official on May 14th. He kept giving me hope that we could work on Things from April until May 14th and completely ripped the rug out from under me.he kept saying all these horrible things about me, like I treated him bad and made him feel bad about himself but I have never done those things, I was always just trying to get him to include me. At the beginning of June I went through his phone records on my account and through a joint account that I don't have a card to and found constant calls and text to the same number and looked it up and found out it was a female he works with. I also found 4 charges to hotels when he would ask me to spot him some money from our other joint account and when I had Covid at the beginning of the year. I have met with a lawyer and I'm drawing up the separation agreement that I don't even want but he is treating me like I don't exist and this is all my fault. I confronted him on father's day and told him I know all about the female from his work, the constant trips and charges in the area he lives and his phone records and he is denying it all. I don't want this separation or divorce but he seems to not care about my feelings at all and won't give me the time of day and is making up his own schedule when it comes to seeing and taking our daughter out of the home without telling me until the day he makes the decision. I don't know what to do or how to feel....I just want him to be mine and to give us a chance.

6 comments posted: Sunday, June 23rd, 2024