Getting a restraining order

The AP keeps stalking our family after years of being told to leave us alone and made the appearance again in front of our house two weeks ago, clearly on purpose.

Anyone here ever got a restraining / harassing / stalking order from the court? Do they work?

3 comments posted: Sunday, September 8th, 2024

How can lies live for so long?

About two years in R now, one thing I still can’t wrap my head around, is how can a WS love the double life for so long? In our story it was three years mostly with one man, but regularly seeing each other; and later few other men entered the picture. So the lies continued and happened daily.

Do they just get used to living two lives? Lying doesn’t come with any guilt? How could she still love me during the worst of days? I’m sure there were many days we had sex on the same day. How can all this be true and we enjoyed our company on some occasions while raising kids? Things are much better now at every level (but still hard), but the lies, I can’t imagine what’s going through their head and how it’s ok to do so much of it and with such a straight face.

Or how did it feel to come home after the first time they had sex and watch me so obliviously living a normal Friday night and have a small talk and tell her about my work day? Maybe it wasn’t a Friday and maybe I wasn’t home and we didn’t talk. I hope. But keep thinking about that day almost as often as the DDay.

To hide spicy texts in WhatsApp and Signal and delete them frequently.

I don’t get it. And now she’s struggling understanding why I don’t trust her fully yet, why I get triggered when I see a long text message she’s typing to someone, or any time she mentions meeting a new man at work or whatever.

I know it gets better but how did you come to accept And forgive the lies?

21 comments posted: Saturday, July 13th, 2024

Intimacy is hard

About two years into reconciliation after DD and finding out about several years of infidelity and several men my wife had been with (though it’s mostly been one). We survived through hard work, therapy, and clinging to each other and rebuilding the love and bonds. Most days now things are good between us. Scanning this forum, I see a lot of familiar patterns - sometimes there are steps backwards and some old habits and "old us" are showing up that lead to us falling apart in the first place. But we can recognize it and move back on the path of fixing.

That said, the physical intimacy has been strange the past 6-10 months. Not as frequent as it was on average before (we’ve been married for about 20 years), and we both experience things in our heads that leads to sex becoming a weird wedge and a source of anxiety, especially for me. It was wild and better than ever for a while after we started reconciling (which I understand is common) and now a lot of scar tissue is showing up for both of us.

I’m not at all worried of another case of infidelity but I also feel like my needs are not being met and it has me worried for the short and medium term. Will they ever return to normal and natural?

Any of you has gone through these periods before? What worked and didn’t work?

Would appreciate any thoughts on this sensitive topic.

6 comments posted: Monday, June 24th, 2024