Two weeks in . . .

Well this is a post I never in my lifetime thought I would have to make. D-Day was June 25th for me, and I did not see it coming. My husband and I have had a rocky marriage. He has had a porn addiction the entire time, which was revealed to me approximately 13 years ago. We fought through that and the feeling of betrayal that came with that until roughly 7.5 years ago where his addiction to porn caused him to miss some big signs and he put himself in a place where he was raped. We both thought that was rock bottom and it would all done. He refused to go to counseling, continued to withdraw into himself, and stopped connecting. I had zero ability to pull him out of it, so roughly 3 years ago I gave up. I just decided he seemed to want to be roommates and nothing more, so I would just resign myself to the fact that was all I was getting, because the alternative of waiting in the "not yet" and longing for more was just becoming too painful. This was 16 years into our marriage.

Our marriage was rough, but got significantly rougher when I decided to return to the workforce and become a teacher in Spring 2023. I worked hard, he said he was proud of me, but we were still at odds. We had a HUGE fight in August, (I don't even remember what about) and he went on a work trip across the country. (Normal for him, he travels for work) for over a week. He ended up convincing himself on this trip that I was getting a job so I could leave him and beginning an emotional and physical affair with a coworker who very clearly sought him out.

I knew NOTHING and he had two more more trips out there. On the third trip, I saw way too many signs and told him I was convinced he was having an affair. I told him not to come home. He called me almost immediately, texted me the entire flight and basically told me he was mortified that his actions had convinced me that he was having an affair. I stupidly believed him, that he was just pretending to be a bachelor. Turns out he was ending it in December before I figured it out.

She was/is a little bit crazy. She invented a baby to attempt to have him stay. Offered to move across the country with him to be with him and still be close to our kids. She physically assaulted him and then threatened to call the police and tell them he beat her. She facetimed him and forced him to watch her abort the "baby" by taking a pill (I do not know if it was real or not, but as a woman who has been pregnant, I am highly doubtful that this was more than a ploy). She extorted him for money for medical expenses and when he had to return to the area in February, drunkenly walked down a hallway screaming that she wanted to have sex with him and then attempted to sexually assault him. So far she's left us alone and apparently was terrified that I would find out. He's not reciprocated any contact since May, and that was only to tell her to stop messaging him. She attempted contact in June and he did not respond. He's deleted all social media, all forms of messaging, blocked her on his phone BUT she works for the company and can contact through email. She has not, and he has friends at the company including his boss that are protecting him from having to ever deal with her.

We have three children, all girls. I am absolutely devastated to say the least, but still considering staying because despite all of this, he is the love of my life and the person who is before me is broken and trying to change for the first time in our entire marriage. He's reminded me repeatedly that this is not my fault, it is all on him. That he could never make this up to me. That my anger is so justified. That no matter what I say or do, including me threatening a revenge affair, nothing could hurt him as much as it hurts to know how much he hurt me.

I'm really just looking for solidarity I guess. Other viewpoints. Someone to talk to when I am pissed off and to remind me not to do something stupid. Just to know there are other people out there who have dealt with this and come out the other side. A place to come where I don't have to excuse my feelings to anyone. I guess.

Thank you for listening.

9 comments posted: Monday, July 8th, 2024