2nd affair in 26 years has destroyed me
So pleased to have found this site and hoping can get some help from others in my situation or similar.
I met my husband at 17 and am now 43. We have been together 26 years and been married 20. The first affair was traumatic, I received an anon phonecall telling me just over a year after we married. He said it was over,we struggled on and eventually separated and he moved out. We had no kids but the bond between us didn't end and after a while we dated and ended up pregnant. He said he wanted me we made plans but still lived separately at the time.
My first child was born 11 weeks early which in itself was extremely traumatic. The day after she was born I have another phonecall, this time from the other woman saying the affair never stopped, had been ongoing 2 years. He had told her that day about the baby. This was her revenge I guess.
Long story short I gave him a 2nd chance. I was a new mum, emotional and felt alone. We did fix things had 2 more kids and I learnt to trust him again. In fact I would say our marriage was wonderful, we loved each other, sex was fine, and I didn't have any suspicions at all. I was content and happy until about 4 months ago.
The warning signs appeared again, things I had put away in my mind last time and tried to make excuses for. I asked him if he was having an affair and he denied it. I had no proof I waited and naively thought he would not do this to me again or our kids. Our lives are perfect. Roll on a few days ago and I eventually checked his phone. Found a secret messaging app and a message thread and everything is out.
It is an old school friend who he has obviously sought out to speak to. Calling her his soul mate, they are in love and getting married one day. Destroyed does not even cover how I feel. He has now said he doesn't know if he wants her. I am a complete mess and my mental health on the edge and the kids are reeling and trying to cope with all the arguments, crying and feelings of abandonment.
I have no idea what will happen yet. Head is saying one thing, heart another. My mind is chaos and needs to be sorted so can think straight. Him doing this to me, I just have no words for.Dying inside and hope someone has some positive words to get me through.
10 comments posted: Monday, August 19th, 2024
