In-Home Separation with Abusive Stbxww
Hey all,
This is my first time here. I'm not sure the conventions or how it all works. I wrote my story in my profile. My mom helped me with the acronym (hah).
Currently, I'm living in hell. I have a 10 yo daughter (bio, ivf) and 8 yo son (adopted internationally at age 2), and live with my legally blind wife. We are filed for divorce and battling over custody of the children. I'm less concerned about money, and more concerned about the well-being of my children.
My ex has been emotionally abusive to me for years, and since the divorce, I've learned of some pretty serious accusations of physical and emotional abuse to the children as well. I knew she was bad to the kids sometimes, but I had no idea the extent.
Things keep getting worse and worse. My daughter is emboldened knowing that I will protect her from her mother and is lashing out viciously at her. I'm working full time in a corporate leadership role and juggling daily family altercations. Both children constantly complain of stomach aches and need to stay home from school. Both kids have triggered DFCS (children's services) referrals, and my daughter was so scared to come home one day, the police were called and filed a report.
She refuses to leave. She says she's the mom. She hovers over me and the kids, stands outside of doors to listen to every conversation, prevents the kids from coming to me in distress, even forces herself into kids therapy appointments. She calls the therapists and tells them the kids are lying and misrepresents the true nature of the home. She accuses both of our children of being mentally ill. She tells all of the kids friends that the children are terrible to her, that she is the victim, and a couple have even confronted our kids about it in support of my ex. They are increasingly alienated from anyone who can help or support them.
I'm scared for the safety of my kids, and scared that my ex will somehow convince people her insane argument that I'm "coaching the kids." This is the last thing I ever wanted. I grew up without my father, and it was one of the most painful and difficult things for me to overcome in my life. I want her to heal her relationship with the kids more than anything.
I guess I'm looking for support. I have a great mom, a couple close friends, but nobody who can really relate to me. I find most people are very quick to tell me what to do, and I don't want that either. Ideas are great, judgement and demands are not.
This is a difficult mess to navigate, and it's a very lonely path. Please feel free to reach out to me, I'm desperately in need of a friend.
16 comments posted: Monday, September 9th, 2024
