Can’t process it…drowning

I found out my WS of 18 years slept with multiple women 5 years ago. The only thing that stopped him from continuing was a pandemic. I found out about the As in a very convoluted way. The first time I found out it was from reading texts on his laptop to an old AF he was sexting. After confronting him he admitted to everything, was remorseful, got checked for STDs, and tried to start a path to reconciliation. He promised it was one person, no others. I believed him. Fast forward 9 months later, I had a gut intuition that I didn’t know the whole story and did more digging and found out there was more than one. Confronted WH again at which point he simply said "it’s so bad that you might as well leave me now". He admitted to having sex with "5-6 women", multiple encounters with each over a 3 year period (right after I had a newborn baby). My whole world came crashing down.

I started IC. He agreed to IC for his "sex addiction". We have two children together. He said I was too "vanilla" for him and we never had that compatibility so he needed to look for it elsewhere and get it out of his system. He found these women on tinder mostly. I don’t even know where to begin how to feel or recover from this. My therapist suggested not to take any action yet, as it’s too much to process at the moment. I haven’t had a peaceful nights sleep in months. I feel like my whole marriage was one big lie.

11 comments posted: Tuesday, September 17th, 2024