Gah

Hello all. I will try to make this as concise as possible, please forgive me. I have been married for nearly 18 years.
We were young, him just 20, me 24. I had two kids 4 and 8 months old, birth father absent to present day. We married after seven months, rarely apart except for work. He went to another city for a big job interview, the first night away 3 months into the marriage and he cheated for the first time- with a girl he met in the hotel pool, has admitted he was screwing her in less than 30 minutes upon meeting. That was number one. Physically he admits to physical sex with one other women, several chatty flirty relations, one emotional affair that was sexual over video and only not in person because they couldn't meet. He would vilify me to the women he pursued, told them horrible things about me. He never admitted to anything on his own accord, he never felt so guilty or ashamed that he stopped any of these indiscretions on his own. I always found out, suspected, and ultimately he would tell me only so much of the truth, id cry, make up... The last issue, a woman he flirted with, and led to believe our marriage was on the rocks, was seven years ago. He claimed no sex, just spent time with her on breaks and had lunches, they worked a shift that didn't end until 11pm in an empty office building, a team of three. He has claimed he had no sexual interest all this time, just liked the attention. She casually messaged him once claiming she was broke down and needed his help, he declined but I wondered why shed reach out to him and not her own friends etc. he was really mean to me then, that's how I knew something was up anyway. I snooped, found they played little phone games together and he erased messages as they had an empty chat log...He ended up quitting the job. That was seven years ago.
He has a job and he travels a lot, I don't have any real suspicions he has done anything, weird little things I cant exactly remember outside of a feeling, or I was sure were innocent. I stopped snooping four years ago, I feel like if he is still doing this it will eventually come out. I try not to worry.
He is out of town now. This travel could have been avoided. I asked him not to go due to several factors not related to cheating. One is money, he goes out of pocket and employer reimburses but things are tight right now. This is a team building event, and he attended one last year as well. So, we tiffed on that a bit, because money and other obligations, but I conceded its his job and travel is part of it. Last week we were talking, I just met one of his coworkers a few months ago and am familiar with a few more of the guys he speaks well of and that he seems to get on fine with. I asked which of them were attending and he stated listing off names, some I hadn't hard before which isn't odd. They hire and fire a lot! As he is standing there sipping his drink naming names he utters the name of a woman, and midsentence stammers that it splits her two syllable name into four, two being uh...I cant explain that right but I hope you understand. I "think" his face flushed. It set off bells, knots formed in my stomach. I have heard her name before, he said she was cool, they have all had drinks. Last time he mentioned her was a year ago, she been at a company party in another state with him and everyone else. We had a huge fight after that trip, because he got very drunk and didn't call for several hours. I had tried to sound casual but couldn't, he tried to reassure me which made it worse. I snapped at him, we argued on the phone the rest of the night. When he came home it continued, I took him down the memory lane of all of his wrongs, asked for clarity on things and he swore I knew all. Anyway, after he stammered out her name I asked why he seemed nervous, he said he wasn't, he forgot she was going. I asked why he hadn't mentioned her in so long if their so work involved they need to team build regularly, he didn't really answer. We ended up in a huge argument, I pushed on things he had long denied or played down. I dont really know why. I was enraged. He ended up conceding a few very hurtful things I needed him to admit long ago. They are all so fresh now, like they just happened. It feels stupid, I feel stupid. He swears nothing is up, straight path since the last whatever you call it seven years ago. This chicks names he stammered was nothing, he just got tongue tied. Our life is pretty good, we have one child out of the home on their own, one close, one growing close. I can see areas he has changed in, grown in. I am doing well, went back to college and I'm even in an honors program! He called awhile ago, they are all gathering for dinner and drinks, as usual when he travels he tells me his battery is low. For some reason, this or that, his phone didn't, won't, can't charge properly. This doesn't really happen at home. Sometimes his phone is dead for 2-4 hours when he is away from home. He always says its nothing. I cant help but feel like I would have made damn sure to charge my phone and stay in close contact with him in reversed roles. Am I as stupid as I feel?

9 comments posted: Wednesday, September 18th, 2024