We were closer than we had ever been.

Setting the scene, we were in a great spot. We had a bury a baby earlier this year, my father died of cancer, my wife had multiple surgeries from complications from the baby, ringing up thousands in medical debt. Through it all we found strength, and pulled together. It's been a rough year, and we have needed eachother more than ever. Saturday night, she dropped an absolute bomb on me.

May of 2023 she was offered a givernment job working with the Army. She is an LMFT (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist). Her job was to get to know the high ranking guys on the Army base, evaluate them, and suggest possible changes in there command styles. She observed the basic training side of post, the MP station, and the Fire Department.

I was very uneasy with this, and told her to not take this job. I have been in the military, have been a cop, and am now a paramedic. I know how these things work out. I know how these guys are. I was ADADMENT on her not taking this job. She turned it down, then ended up taking it after a second offer. She started and loved it. She had police and fire chiefs mesmerized. The higher ranking officers were always hitting on her, offering her trips ect. I hated every second. It started arguments all of the time. I told her none of these guys cared about how smart she was, they just wanted to get her into bed. She attended military balls, went a multiple lunches with different guys. I was ALWAYS worried.

She started going to the assistant police chief's house (who is about 60 years old). One night she stayed until after 2am. I came unrailed and went to his house, to which my wife met with incredible defensiveness, calling me insecure for worrying about a man that much older than us (we are early 30s). By all accounts by some friends I have on the police department out there, they told me not to worry, that he is an old man who basically holds people hostage with his war stories all night, and that he was harmless. I guess she kept going back until he talked her into bed one night. She tells me she was immediately stupidly embarrassed and ashamed.

From my point of view, she worked on base, then one day came home and said she didn't want to work there anymore. She then disclosed to me that she was pregnant. We were not having much sex, but enough to make it borderline believable. When she told me, my response was "who's is it"? She took incredible offense, and it started a huge fight. She told me that she felt unsafe and didn't feel protected working around all the men out there. A few days later she was cleared to work from home, and she never returned to work on post.

Apparently when she found out she was pregnant, she called this other guy first, who told her he had a vasectomy, but stated maybe it had grown back after many years. He told her he wanted her on an out of state flight and he would pay to take care of it. She told him she was keeping the baby, which prompted him to go get his vasectomy checked. He then showed her test results stating he was still fixed, and that it had to be her husband's baby.

Here is the kicker... I have a vasectomy too... our doctor said it was very believable mine had healed itself, due to me having a really bad lower body injury months after mine. The inflammatory response would be enough to heal the fresh vasectomy. We have never had issues with infidelity. Outside of me hating her job, I had no other reason to think this wasn't a plausible possibility.

Fast forward, baby comes early and he is still born (March 24'), on the same day my dad dies. We bury him, and start the double healing process. My wife then starts getting cosmetic surgeries, saying she can't stand the look of her body, knowing she should have a baby right now but doesn't. It maked sense, but I saw these surgeries almost like self harm. She went and got them, put us $20k in debt over them.

She eventually quits her government job all together in September. She was still working from home.

Two Saturdays ago, she sits down and tells me about this whole deal. I also find out half the people in my life have known about this the entire time. I find out we don't know who the father of the baby is. I find out this is why we went into crippling debt. I find out she called this guy one more time over the summer, and guilt tripped him into getting her ex husband a new job (yes, her ex husband worked as a cop on post) so he would have to work further away from where we live (her ex husband is a pain). I also find out the shady mechanic she has been taking our cars too, was this old man's friend. My vehicle still doesn't work $4K later.

Apparently close friends have been encouraging her to tell me. Her ex husband even knew, and he has been telling her to tell me. Her dad got involved when he found all this out, and basically made sure this guy would never contact her again (my wife's dad is this guys boss, the complexity continues).

She has been remorseful. She has been apologetic. She has taken steps to try and assure me this will never happen again...

I am so overwhelmed by all this. I love my wife. She is so attractive. We have kids together. We have been married for 7 years, together for 9. We have had an AMAZING LIFE TOGETHER. I'm crushed by the affair, but even more crushed by year of trying to cover it up. On top of this, the emotional stress has unleashed pandoras box in my head. Every dead baby, shooting, beheading, bad call I've ever run, has risen to the surface of my head. I am an absolute wreck right now. I have a therapist, but it doesn't seem to be helping much. Not sure what to do or where to go from here...

25 comments posted: Tuesday, November 5th, 2024