MrsSprky99 ( member #32895) posted at 3:35 AM on Thursday, July 28th, 2011
Thanks so very much for posting this for all of us who are recently experiencing this for the very first time. Puts everything in perspective well!
BW (me) - 47
WH (him) - 53
Married - 14 years
3 Children - 25, 24 from first relationship & 10 y/o with WH
D-Day: June 11, 2011
Brentwood ( member #27465) posted at 3:44 AM on Thursday, July 28th, 2011
Thanks for bumping...it was just what I needed to see again to remember that my STBXH is never gonna understand what R really is. 
Happily divorced after seven years of false R and TT. I'm sixty, single, and spectacular!
crazynot ( member #24572) posted at 9:27 AM on Thursday, July 28th, 2011
Just remember, that failing to get to 'R' is no reflection on you. If the affair has been serious (as in my case), trying to 'R' may be a big mistake and separation/divorce a positive step. Never thought I'd say that 2 years ago!
Me - 50
Him - 51
DDay 21 March 2009
Divorcing and delighted!
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.
SabinatheOwl ( member #30023) posted at 4:14 PM on Saturday, July 30th, 2011
Details & story in profile
"Live a life not an apology." Edward R.Murrow
"I can be changed by what happens to me but I refuse to be reduced by it."
Maya Angelou
annb ( member #22386) posted at 7:17 PM on Wednesday, August 3rd, 2011
lordhasaplan? ( member #30079) posted at 1:50 PM on Friday, August 5th, 2011
BS- Me (45)
D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
Currently in R.
Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.
whyme80 ( member #32418) posted at 9:18 PM on Friday, August 5th, 2011
Oh, if only had I read this a few more times and with more attention after d-day...I wouldn't have wasted the last 6 weeks, and I would have spared myself so much pain.
suspicious247 ( member #33014) posted at 8:01 PM on Saturday, August 6th, 2011
Wow excellent post! I will save this one.
Question - at first he was doing everything in column 1. But after about 6-8 months he completely went to column 2. His explanation for this is that we have already talked about everything and I have repeated myself numerous times and he is not stupid and does not need to be told the same thing multiple times. And there is nothing more to discuss.
Is there a time frame where you cant expect column 1 anymore?
suspicious247 ( member #33014) posted at 8:04 PM on Saturday, August 6th, 2011
Well except for the transparency part. That was never fully provided even though he agreed to do it. And I felt bad bugging him about it. Thought I'd misuse it myself since feel the need to snoop pretty often. Would rather have passwords withhout him knowing, otherwise whats the point.
Also, do PI's supply passwords? I see tons of site online but they seem like scams. Looking for somoene reputable...
annb ( member #22386) posted at 8:11 PM on Sunday, August 7th, 2011
dove ( member #15382) posted at 5:40 AM on Tuesday, August 9th, 2011
The problem that I have is knowing if he is being truthful. We have tried MC and I found out that he lied to both me and the MC.
How can I trust him again? I guess I have to give a vlear list and a deadline for myself
Dove
Crazy Daze ( member #31843) posted at 7:27 AM on Tuesday, August 9th, 2011
Yes! 2 years of rugsweeping has come to an end and we are finally in reconciliation!
Me-BS, Him-WS
A began-6/2009 - M 30 years
D-Day- 02/2010
WS left 3 days after 31st Anniversary
WS back 6 months later - False R
Limbo - Asked WS to leave after 32nd Anniversary
A ended 07/2011
Successfully R'd
Recovered, Restored, Renewed!
greenmoose ( member #32727) posted at 2:01 PM on Tuesday, August 9th, 2011
we are in R,WF does it all except the last one. This is still a stumbling block for us. I do not believe he is still in the affair, but he will not provide details. I have to pull EVERYTHIMG out of him. He will admit to it if I have evidence, but otherwise he remains silent. He says he can't stand hurting me. I think that is part of it, but more I think he protecting himself.
The TT has got to stop. We go along fine for a couple of weeks, then something pops up out of the blue and we are derailed. I will be showing him this chart today. Thank you so much for posting
me BS 43
him WH 36
M 15 yrs
4 children, two still in the house
multiple affairs thoughout marriage (five that I know of)
currently R
annb ( member #22386) posted at 8:26 PM on Thursday, August 11th, 2011
NewTurn ( member #26399) posted at 5:10 AM on Friday, August 12th, 2011
BW-45
DDay too many to count! Many false R till final DDay Dec 5 2008
Divorced Feb 2009
Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results!
lordhasaplan? ( member #30079) posted at 3:00 PM on Sunday, August 14th, 2011
BS- Me (45)
D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
Currently in R.
Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.
SabinatheOwl ( member #30023) posted at 4:49 PM on Wednesday, August 17th, 2011
Details & story in profile
"Live a life not an apology." Edward R.Murrow
"I can be changed by what happens to me but I refuse to be reduced by it."
Maya Angelou
annb ( member #22386) posted at 7:16 PM on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2011
lordhasaplan? ( member #30079) posted at 2:18 PM on Wednesday, August 24th, 2011
BS- Me (45)
D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
Currently in R.
Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.
annb ( member #22386) posted at 4:07 PM on Friday, August 26th, 2011
