Topic is Sleeping.
Sallysosad (original poster new member #44605) posted at 2:54 PM on Wednesday, September 10th, 2014
My resources are limited and I while I have looked at tons of books I'm really looking for a group opinion. If I had the ability to only read one book, along with my WS, what book should we choose?
We are devoted to fixing this but are obviously having a hard time. We are struggling with the pain and I really need him to understand what he needs to do to help me get through this. He is desperate for some guidance. We are on overload with all the information and just want to peacefully start somewhere with one book and begin to read together. I've heard that "After the Affair" is good.
So, if you were to recommend one book out of all the possibilities, which one should we start with that will benefit us both?
dragon1128 ( member #44340) posted at 6:03 PM on Friday, September 12th, 2014
My wife has a book called How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair. I read through it and if she had actually followed its guidelines, it would have sped the process along.
sillyoldsod ( member #43649) posted at 8:26 PM on Friday, September 12th, 2014
We are struggling with the pain and I really need him to understand what he needs to do to help me get through this. He is desperate for some guidance.
From what you've said about your situation I'd second dragon1128's recommendation 'How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair'.
I hope things work out for you.
I've never met a sociopath I didn't like.
devasted30 ( member #39439) posted at 7:03 PM on Saturday, September 13th, 2014
How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair BR Linda MacDonald. Hands down. It opened my WS eyes to what I was actually going through. And they need to re-read it over and over until they finally get it.
And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!
solus sto ( member #30989) posted at 12:22 AM on Sunday, September 14th, 2014
Stbx and I both found The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson very helpful. It spoke to each of us in different ways.
BS-me, 62; X-irrelevant; we’re D & NC. "So much for the past and present. The future is called 'perhaps,' which is the only possible thing to call the future. And the important thing is not to let that scare you." Tennessee Williams
Ann2011 ( member #44748) posted at 7:21 PM on Tuesday, September 30th, 2014
Can you tell me more about "how to help your spouse heal from an affair"? Is it applicable to EA?
Me: BS 50ish and faithful
Him: WH 50ish and 3 EA's
Married 2011
First met: 1984; reconnected 2009
1st DD: Oct 30, 2012
2nd DD: May 30, 2014
Final DD: Aug 28, 2014
rachelc ( member #30314) posted at 3:09 PM on Wednesday, October 1st, 2014
sometimes you can get the How to Help book as a free pdf download. Theres just as much info available online as there is in books. Google infidelity and recovering and you'll get page after page.
Also, you can "look inside" many books on Amazon.com.
I read almost an entire book this way.
Public library?
Lucky2HaveMe ( member #13333) posted at 5:31 PM on Wednesday, October 1st, 2014
Can you tell me more about "how to help your spouse heal from an affair"? Is it applicable to EA?
Not Just Friends is the best book, IMO, when dealing with an EA.
Love isn't what you say, it's what you do.
Tina73 ( member #44910) posted at 4:55 PM on Friday, October 3rd, 2014
I got the free download of how to help your spouse heal. It's a great read!!
Next it will be not just friends
Me BW- 27
WH-35
DS-7 DD under 1. I love my baby's!
DD#1- Aug 1st 2014- EA
DD#2- Sep 15 2014 - PAs confessed
3 OW in total. Has been unfaithful from day 1
Learning to give up control, and to focus on me!
ReconcilingWife ( member #44420) posted at 12:32 AM on Saturday, October 4th, 2014
How to Help Your Spouse Heal is amazing. And short! Great read for both parties, we found.
Not Just Friends is excellent for EAs, and I agree that it might be the best book for EAs. Not that it isn't great for PAs too--but it has really been helping my WH realize that he crossed a line WAY before he was into PA territory, when he still thought everything was fine.
Me: BS, now 42
Him: WS, now 49
DD: May 30, 2014 (2 month affair)
2 children
Naively optimistic username (chosen in frustration when everything else I could think of was taken or too close to my real name)--but 2 years on, R is truly going well
LumpyLola ( member #44330) posted at 12:06 AM on Thursday, October 9th, 2014
"Not Just Friends" by Dr. Shirley Glass is, in my opinion (and that of many others) the absolute bible of infidelity books.
Dr. Glass' work has not been trumped - or even matched - in thoroughness, professionalism, and accuracy to detail in all the time since it's been written, and yet, it is an easy, interesting, and user-friendly read all the way through. Unlike the short but concise 'How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair', Glass' book is written for BOTH the BS and the WS.
If your WS is not on the scene, or is still in the fog, or is just rebelling and refuses to read or do anything to help you heal, then 'How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair' obviously won't do much for you, as it's written primarily for a WS who recognizes that he messed up and wants to read up on what he can do to help things along.
LA44 ( member #38384) posted at 12:27 PM on Wednesday, November 5th, 2014
I have read all three, After the Affair, How to Help Your spouse heal, and Not Just Friends. I hesitated to read the latter bc the A didn't start out as a friendship. Turns out, that's okay! There is so much great info. in that book and Glass is THE leader in infidelity.
How to help is very short and can be read in an hour - the other two books have exercises to dive into and they address the healing of both parties much more in depth.
Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear
somethingremorse ( member #42047) posted at 7:29 PM on Tuesday, November 11th, 2014
I think After the Affair has more for the BS than the other two. I remember it as being very balanced -- one chapter for WS, the next for BS. It was a look at the A and how to R. It's my choice, if I could only choose one.
Not Just Friends was an amazing look into the WS mind and actions. And How to Help your Spouse Heal from the Affair is a great road map for how to R. I think it is mostly aimed at the WS, but every bit helps.
Me: WH (40s)
DDay 11/03/13
In MC and IC
qualla ( member #44580) posted at 4:06 AM on Friday, December 5th, 2014
How to help your spouse is very good. We also found "Not Just Friends" to be a bit better in that it was very to-the-point for both the BS and WW. Good luck.
Me: BH
Her: WW - EA 6 months/PA 20 months. Total 26 months.
Married: 28 years
DDay: 6/19/14
TT#1 7/23/14
TT#2 9/8/14
TT#3 9/2/15
Status: Day At A Time
Outlook: Reconciling
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 11:22 PM on Sunday, December 7th, 2014
http://www.dearpeggy.com/booklist.html - lots of free books available here.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
Topic is Sleeping.
