SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

The book I want to recommend is Half Broken Things, by Morag Joss. It won the Silver Dagger award from the Crime Writers of America in 2003. I stumbled across it in our library, thinking it would be a mindless mystery, useful for distraction.

Instead, it is a beautifully written psychological study of how wounded and damaged persons can slide down a slippery slope to cause irreparable damage (spoiler alert - death) to people who have never caused them any harm.

Though the book is not about infidelity, the thinking it describes seems to me exactly the same as the thinking that I used during my affair. The book is written with great compassion for the injured characters who cause this damage. At the same time it relentlessly shows the horror of the damage they cause others, some of whom are totally innocent, and some of whom are very annoying, but none of whom deserve their final fate.

As a Wayward, I found this compassionate but relentless description of wayward thinking very helpful in understanding the nature and horror of the thinking I used myself. I think it could be helpful for Betrayeds as well, to understand how a broken person, when acting out of their brokenness, could do something so illogical and out of character with the rest of who they are.

You will have to judge for yourself whether you are at a stage when reading about these dynamics would be more helpful or hurtful. I would guess that many Betrayeds would not want to read this sort of description until two or three years past dday.

BS here...We are 14 months out from Dday, and it seems to HELP me, the more I can read and learn HOW my FWH (or any Wayward ) could do what they've done.

I know we are all different though and some BS might not want to read it so quickly.

Thanks for the recommendation!

Thanks, plainsong. That book sounds very interesting...think I'll go find it.

I'm going to look for this, as well.

Thanks, Plainsong!

Just ordered it from the library. Thank you!

Me, too!

Thank you, plainsong!! I hope you guys had a great holiday!

Sounds fascinating, plainsong. I'm totally going to get it.

Thanks Plainsong - sounds like just the thing I need to read at the moment.

My copy just arrived in the mail. Think I'll get started on it tonight!

I read it - disturbing and depressive!

I downloaded it but am having a hard time getting into the story. I might have to wait a bit.

All I can seem to manage for books right now are light reads. My mind needs fun distractions at the moment.

Wow. I certainly could not have read this two/three years ago. I finished the first chapter. There is so much to process for me personally because I see some parallels with the thinking of the unremorseful wayward in my life.

I love this author's writing style...never heard of him before, thanks for sharing your find.

I just started this book and so far, I'm into it. However, I have to say, that while perhaps, one will "get" the unhealthy thinking, I can't imagine why a BS would choose to stay with a WS who is so broken. While broken may explain behaviors, it doesn't mean one should be involved with a broken person. Compassion, absolutely, but for someone to expect a healthy relationship with someone broken seem out of touch to me.

I also question how someone as broken as the characters in this book could ever be fixed.

I have to add that I hope it doesn't turn into a "Gone Girl" book for me, which I thought was the worst book I ever read. If it continues like it's going, I am happy to have met a new author.

Thanks everyone for your comments. This is certainly a depressive book. If you need something light at this time, I would say to go for it. You will know whether building a positive foundation for your life is more important now than any information you might get from a book.

As I have thought more about this book, there are two things I have noticed. One is how many times the characters could have made different choices, even given how broken they were. Second, and connected with that, I think the author is pointing out that it was not just the characters' objective circumstances, but also their underlying beliefs that led them to make the choices they did. The main character, in particular, seems to have decided that her life in the real world is hopeless, and to have chosen to create a fantasy world (the fog) that will meet her needs (only in fantasy, of course).

Skye, in response to your comment about whether it is healthy to stay with someone who is so broken, I think that has to be an individual decision. I was very broken, and my husband stayed with me, and I did change. I am not willing to believe that people so broken, as a matter of principle, cannot change, but I do believe that many are very unlikely to change. And a partner who finds that staying is harming their own well being has no obligation to stay at all, much less wait around for the length of time change is likely to take. I am very grateful to my husband for staying and supporting me with his love, but he made it clear that he would not have stayed if I were unable to change.

I did think that this was a book that was worth sharing for both insight and literary value, and I would be glad if it could be helpful to any of you.

I have not read the book but I think I did see the film adaptation a few years ago and it was well done.

I am now intrigued to read the book.