SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Just sharing as I have found this to really speak to me. I am at a point where I really want to learn more about what I am feeling and how to deal with it and maybe not so much about how to save the marriage even though I would also like that. I also provided to my FWW to read. This felt so spot on to what I am feeling and has helped me face it more directly.

http://www.healingafteraffairs-bloomington.info/infidelity/trauma-of-infidelity.html

I am not quite finished reading this yet (very long), but I think it is one of the closest things to my feelings that I have found.

One of the passages talks about trust. We are supposed to want to trust again. That is the goal, right? But trusting my WH is one of the things that let the A happen. That was something that really stuck out to me as my own catch 22.

Nice article. Very long, though. Also has grammatical errors they should fix. I may have my WH read as well. I don't know if he truly understands the pain of what the A has caused me, but this article is something that could help him see it.

If I recall what I read and internalized correctly, trusting your WH did not lead to his cheating.

We want to believe that because it implies we have some control. Having some control then gives us a path to protect ourselves.

I think the point this article is trying to make is we really have no control over another. If they want to cheat, they will.

We have to be the best people we can be and be clear with our expectations of how we need to be treated.

My FWW had an affair 10 years ago, kind of a friendship slippery slope thing. Well so when we reconciled I trusted but also watched out for things like inappropriate friendships and texting around me.

Her deal was really needing that rush of being desired so she just moved to guys she had no connection to emotionally in her cheating I am now trying to deal with. That's another story though.

I guess my point is I was on the lookout and she still found a way right under my watchful eyes.

Its not my fault though. I am supposed to trust. That doesn't make me stupid in any way.

Thank you for the suggestion. I find so much out there that turns out to be cosmo or maxim, it's good to find things of value.

My WH and I printed this out and read it together over a few weeks. It was helpful to both of us.

Tim I know you are right about what you said about trust. The article helped me to see that I am not stupid for having trust, that it is a normal thing, especially in marriage. And that I had no control over the cheating. It was validating to read that.