SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

And I'm a quarter Murphy. Quarter doomed.

What did you do for yours?

That same friend and I developed a tradition at our work (funny enough, he left the company to go on that Appalachian trail hike, but he'll be coming back in March so that's something to look forward to). Tau Day (June 28), we bring in ice cream and a pizza pie / desert pie. Because two pies...

The ice cream is really good, it's from a local creamery (I'm not going to let WW taint it...the ice cream is just too good). It's a farm, so you get a cone or a sundae and can sit on benches watching the cows while you eat.

Notable flavors:

​Elvis Dream

​

Vanilla ice cream with peanut butter, banana pieces, and dark chocolate chunks

Sunset on the Peach

​Our delicious peach ice cream with swirls of raspberries.

​Salty Cow

​Vanilla ice cream, with caramel swirls, and chocolate covered pretzels

PBC2 (squared)

​Chocolate ice cream, rich with fudge swirls, peanut butter swirls, and chunks of peanut butter cups

The Raspberry Swirl Chunk is one of my favorites. No cute name. But really good.

I went out of the country for about 2 weeks. Went off the grid, except to closest friends who knew my struggle. Had to send them pictures to know I was alive and kicking. Had to go thousand miles away to save my sanity.

Funny enough, Murphy's Law. I was supposed to leave one day before anniversary. For some bizarre reason I was left by the plane D: I almost took it as a sign that I shouldn't go, but chose mental health over superstition. Looking back, maybe it happened so I'd have exactly the day of our anniversary as a totally new event to remember - Day 1 of my first solo trip ever. I couldn't have chosen a better way to deal. The trip not only saved me, but the experience itself was something I'd treasure forever.

Green with envy! I envy those who can resign from work to follow a passion. Maybe schedule a hike with your friend?

Ice creeeeeam! Who doesn't love <3 the Elvis Dream sounds so tasty. Anything with dark chocolate.

Wow, I don't think I'd be so brave to do something like that on my own. That's nice the day was replaced with something eventful, it sounds like something you can laugh about later.

Elvis Dream in a waffle cone was the first flavor we tried from the place. It is one I do go back to a lot, it's particularly fine. My coworkers are split on the raspberry swirl or pbc2.

The raspberry swirl has dark chocolate chunks in it, which pairs very nicely. They also have ice cream pies...one year I got that as a birthday cake, a raspberry swirl pie with whipped cream and a chocolate crust...who needs cakes when you have that.

Another favorite which I think you'd like:

​Mocha Mayhem

​

Coffee Ice Cream with fudge swirls and chunks of Oreos

[This message edited by ShatteredSakura at 5:45 PM, February 26th (Wednesday)]

Before I left I thought about all those human trafficking movies lol, but figured I'm already at my worst. And it is Christmas/New Year, certainly the universe will give me a break? Infidelity has a way of bringing out the bravest in you.

It's weeks away, I'm sure you'll find something to do :D

That Mayhem sounds like heaven <333

Yeeeaah getting Taken without Aslan/Qui-gon Jin as your father could be a lot worse.

And I don't know. I don't really like traveling by myself. I don't think I'll be doing something special.

I feel like a lot of the anger I've been feeling the past day has now burnt out and I'm entering a sadness phase. Just want to curl up with my cat under a blanket.

It's not like I have a very particular set of skills. Luckily, nothing remotely dangerous ever happened.

You don't have to go on a solo trip. You can start the activity you put off a long time ago. You can host a movie night, game night. Clean the house. Go on a run. Go swimming. Go skydiving. Volunteer. Visit your parents. Anything to keep you preoccupied. Claim the day and make it totally yours.

They say cats absorb negative energy and neutralize it. I wish that's true for you.

I'm in a no better position but glad that working nights (and days) ends today. I'll be back to usual hours soon and I hope with it comes less stress, more positivity.

Go swimming. Go skydiving. Volunteer.

This made me chuckle.

Yeah I have a number of things I can do and probably will be doing, but they're mundane and people would not think they're exciting or eventful.

IMO I'd sooner take curling up with a good book in front of a crackling fireplace relaxing peacefully while snuggled under a blanket in my fine red smoking jacket, than going out doing what many consider "fun". I think I might be part Hobbit.

Huzzah for normal working hours

Speaking of cats, Luna will be 1 year old around the anniversary. I don't know the exact day but I estimated it to be around early March based on vet records I had from the previous owner.

I don't know how much negative energy she's absorbing at the moment, she's starting to take a liking to the window blinds. I've had to raise them higher after I caught her doing pull ups on one (she literally latched on and was hanging and kept pulling herself up). It was really comical to watch.

[This message edited by ShatteredSakura at 7:57 AM, February 27th (Thursday)]

take curling up with a good book in front of a crackling fireplace

This sounds great too. Read (or reread) The Silmarillion

Fun is whatever your definition is. We each have mundane things we enjoy.

Advance happy birthday to Luna! What's her birthday present?

[This message edited by hopefullife at 8:37 AM, February 27th (Thursday)]

I know, I feel like I always have to defend what I find enjoyable though. Guess you're a kindred spirit

Often while I work, if I don't feel like listening to music, I have a "playlist" of youtube videos that are just gentle ambience. Like "Rain at Cozy Attic" or "Cozy Hut Ambience - Light Rain Sound with Warm Fireplace" The latter one has a ticking grandfather clock, and the entire scene is animated so it's a nice visual. They're very soothing to just play in the background while I think about my work.

Funny enough last night I was working late and when I took off my headphones, it was down pouring like cats and dogs outside. I was listening to rain ambience, oblivious to the rain outside

Advance happy birthday to Luna! What's her birthday present?

Four whole fried chickens and a coke.

[This message edited by ShatteredSakura at 9:00 AM, February 27th (Thursday)]

Only instrumental music when I study or read. I have my breakup playlist on repeat though lately at work. Gets me energized.

Just recently, family was topic at work and they specifically mentioned my husband and my wedding. Not everyone of them knows yet and I wonder if they ever recognize I'm no longer wearing my wedding ring. I'm amazed at how much I can fake normalcy while deep inside I'm doing backflips

Heh well most of the music I listen to is instrumental only. Some of the stuff that gets the creative juices are "epic" music like from Two Steps From Hell or the great masters like Beethoven. Also a lot of movie soundtracks, like for LoTR, go into that listing. If Beethoven and Mozart were alive today they'd be making movie musical scores.

I'm amazed at how much I can fake normalcy while deep inside I'm doing backflips 

I know. Only my hiking friend knows (w.r.t work), it's not something I've told anyone at work because I don't want to breakdown.

When she lost her job before the PA started she interviewed at my company so everyone has met her practically. She was offered but chose a place that was next door to her old job...and so was nearby to the future AP...

[This message edited by ShatteredSakura at 3:38 PM, February 27th (Thursday)]

My coworkers surprised me a with wonderful bachelorette party. They were a part of my wedding journey. They didn't all meet him, but they'll be shocked at the turn of events, especially to someone who recently just married. The only ones at work who knows are my bosses, I had to tell them. I left a project I was leading at a very critical milestone cause I couldn't function as hell. My professional life got hit hard with the shit happening in my personal life.

There's an event at work today and everyone kept telling me I look a lot thinner and some said I even looked blooming. I say thanks and act so proud of the healthy weight loss but if they only knew. I'm not telling yet. I want work and treatment to me of colleagues as normal as possible, at least for now.

[This message edited by hopefullife at 11:15 AM, February 28th (Friday)]

some said I even looked blooming

Not sure if I heard that phrase before. Looking radiant? Glowing?

My coworkers are the type that shut-off the team spirit at 5pm

I feel like most of my effort these days is just keeping work normal and doing well. Reminds me of the "worlds colliding" bit from Seinfeld:

Jerry: This world is your sanctuary and if that world comes in contact with this worl-

George: YES, IT BLOWS UP!

You know what I miss? The days where I'd come home wide-eyed excited about doing something else. I also miss how great it felt when Friday rolled around. Somewhere along this crazy ride I lost the ability to look forward to the weekends.

I look radiant guess they've always seen me haggard I'm sure if I cut my hair they'd confirm for sure that my heart broke. I feel like it's at the back of their minds already but aren't sure since I can talk about H and chime in on love talks.

I'm touched and extremely grateful though. I told all of them I'm going through something deeply personal. They didn't press for more. Affairs were a brief topic yesterday though, and I'm glad to know they share the same aversion.

Weekends used to be my happy days. Especially Saturday when we could spend all night and not worry about waking up early the next day. Our date night (until AP/WS decided it'd be theirs and sometimes he'd come home at Sunday mornings instead. In the last few months in what I thought we're a blissful marriage, it was the case).

I look radiant

Sounds like a good bunch of coworkers :)

And weekends were the same...usually board games on saturdays evenings, or something else and leave the sundays open. Although the stress of the LTA and her increasingly wanting me to entertain her made weekends stressful.

I've been thinking about starting a thread on what you're glad to have lost (since we all usually focus on what we have lost and that we miss). One of them is this:

Sometimes I'd wake up early and want to do something (tinker on some code, play a game) and I'd carefully tip toe out of bed so not to wake her and let her sleep in. It never worked, she always woke up after a short bit realizing I wasn't next to her and inevitably would wander into the room and often declare "I'm huuuungrrrry". I'm exaggerating a bit, but she did it often enough in a cutesy voice that it's like claws on a chalkboard now thinking back.

Usually we'd go downstairs, I make something, we eat, talk, maybe watch something while we eat, cuddle a bit, etc before you know it, it's 1pm and I never did the thing I wanted to do. Then she'd ask "so what are we going to do today?" I just spent five hours with you! Sometimes it felt like she didn't consider that quality time spent.

Obviously it wasn't always like that. Plenty of times it was hard to get out of bed if you know what I mean . And I enjoyed a lot of those mornings even getting pulled away from whatever I was doing, because I loved the conversation and cuddles. But you want to relax on the weekends. She started making me feel like I was entering a 2nd job to take care of her. Maybe if it wasn't for the affair it would have just been a pet peeve and not a stressor.

[This message edited by ShatteredSakura at 11:59 PM, February 28th (Friday)]

Shattered, are you sure those things are what you're glad you lost? XD sounds more like you lost and miss

Kidding aside, I get it. And definitely sounds like a very good topic. I'd post mine when you start it.

I must have worn those rose tinted glasses most of the time (but what if red is my favorite color?), but I had rare moments of us I didn't like. Cause I honestly thought on my part we were doing what partners in a relationship are supposed to do. There were sacrifices, but I was glad to do them.

The affair tainted what should have been pure act of love.

[This message edited by hopefullife at 12:27 AM, February 29th (Saturday)]

Well, I don't want to sound like I didn't want to spend time with her! I think I'm sensitive to that accusation because she'd accuse me of it a lot. During the affair she was developing a serious case of FOMO that exacerbated the existing issues (the stuff in MC she said "she isn't used to doing so I shouldn't expect her doing them"). Bottom line is I wish she could just chillax and take care of herself more. So I don't miss her FOMO and neediness.

The "I'm hunngrrry" bit was her being cute, but man does it make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up thinking about it! It wasn't very cute.

All those times I'd bring up breakfast to her...maybe it would be nice that she just once would wake up, give me a kiss, and make something herself (and maybe bring me something) without making it into a production.

I was able to tolerate so much, she poked the bear too much. I'm not even sure if I can do that again (much like you sometimes have said about not being able to put up with stuff). I don't even want someone else to do anything for me, just do it yourself and leave me alone! Lol. You are SO right about the affair tainting all of that. It just made those things 1000x worse.

It makes me wonder if I can stand taking care of a real child. Although in those cases it's different...

...my cat Luna is starting to develop a bad habit in the mornings. She gets on the window sill and starts doing a baby meow cry until I get up and feed her. I might have traded one "I'm hungry" for another "meeeoooooowoowwrrrr". Although that's usually after she jumps on me and nuzzles me while purring. She knows to love bomb me first before bringing out the annoying whining.

Also, good thing Red isn't my favorite color :). I actually have a hard time deciding between blue and green, depends on my mood.

[This message edited by ShatteredSakura at 1:38 AM, February 29th (Saturday)]

One thing I -do- miss is going to bed with her.

I'm a night owl, as evident by me posting at 2am right now. She was not, and she needed me to be next to her to fall asleep. I was basically her teddy bear. And I kinda liked that. Sometimes it caused friction because I wanted to stay up later. But a lot of times I compromised by staying with her cuddling until she fell asleep.

The nights feel so empty now.

I sometimes see people here on SI writing about going or not going to bed together was a big deal and reading about that fills me with guilt.

[This message edited by ShatteredSakura at 1:01 AM, February 29th (Saturday)]

He trained me well to sleep on my own by not going home a lot in the past year, so when we separated it wasn't something new. I'd message him when we're apart to tell him how sleep feels so different without him - which angers me when I think about it as AP had full access to his phone. I'm sure she felt great pride at how my H willingly left me alone for her.

I think I gave AP a lot of ego kibbles through my messages especially those times I said I missed him a lot (knowing now that he was with her). The most humiliating one probably was the time I messaged him sharing about watching a movie at the cinema alone and seeing all the parents with their kids and wondering if I'd ever get to take one of my own. Yah, she must have popped a champagne that she's celebrating new life with my husband while I shared with him my woes.

I'm a bit sad to those who have this FOMO thing. You never miss out on a life you choose to live yourself. Happiness doesn't depend on other people.

I think Luna (Note: I'm picturing a black purplish cat with bright wide eyes and crescent shaped moon on her forehead ) is giving you that slow transition to forgetting your x. Feed her.

He trained me well to sleep on my own by not going home a lot in the past year, so when we separated it wasn't something new.

...

I think I gave AP a lot of ego kibbles through my messages especially those times I said I missed him a lot (knowing now that he was with her). The most humiliating one probably was the time I messaged him sharing about watching a movie at the cinema alone and seeing all the parents with their kids and wondering if I'd ever get to take one of my own. Yah, she must have popped a champagne that she's celebrating new life with my husband while I shared with him my woes.

Oh (((hopeful))) :(

That man is such a fool.

I THINK WW's AP didn't see my messages, but I'm SURE there were times I was sending something like how I missed her while she was in bed with him. Makes me sick to my stomach to think about.

is giving you that slow transition to forgetting your x. Feed her.

It's still sad to think I'm the ex now. For so long that's what I called him. :(

You can see some latest photos of Luna in the Happy Caturday thread in the Fun&Games forum. A real beauty shot, she has a very expressive face. But she is starting to get a bit plump, so I might be overfeeding her hehe.