SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I've got a half Great Pyrenees half German Shepherd dog. He's 6 now. He is just fantastic. He actually has done a little herding and also has the livestock protection trait. What I like most about him, though, is the companionship.

My daughter and son-in-law have part healer part border collie on their ranch, Tred. Right now they have 3 but the oldest retired himself a few years ago. They work cattle with them. They are a little too hard for my liking but they can empty a pen of 250 steers and put them in another pen pretty fast. When they are working cattle in the yard even the old dog, Nip, gets excited and into the action. He just doesn't work the pastures because of the miles (he rides on the back of the quad).

Dogs. Love them.

Sounds like a fairly positive evening, Incarnate. It sounds like you are doing some comparisons with your date and your STBX. Something to maybe look at. Either way, good for you dipping your toes in the water. It's going to take some time to get where you want to be, and it's all good.

A fucking cat tried to break into my house the other day. I chased it off, but it kind of freaked me out for a sec. I am living in kind of a "ghetto" part of town and I was yelling at it that I was going to call 911 before I realized it was a cat. Yeah, I need a dog or two.

Holding off on getting a rescue dog until the middle of March. Have decided to get another Beagle. God help me!

WW leaves tomorrow morning to pick up her sister from the airport and then stay in a hotel, which is about three hours away. She wanted some support for the upcoming polygraph which is on the 20th, her birthday.

I picked the polygraph examiner, a woman. WW made the arrangements and paid for it. So we will see. I give her credit for going through with this ordeal in order to rebuild trust.

Pulling up to the bar at my house,my boy is sleeping on the couch,its late,he's from NY.Im cracking A Blue..

So I guess I'm near the end of my kidney stone adventure. The doctor had told me the procedure to break it up was like having a four year old poke you I the same spot a few thousand times. What he didn't tell me was afterwards it would feel like George Foreman hit me in the same spot a few dozen times. Next day I was ok but sore. Then the following two days I was bedridden. That Sunday I started having horrible pain and was ready to cut myself open and start picking the pieces out. Most of what's passed has been very small with the exception of a couple of chunks that definitely got my attention. Hopefully this will be a one time experience. People say they'd never wish this on anyone. I'd agree,except there's a few I can think of that I'd be happy to see go through this on a regular basis if you know what I mean.

WearingTheHorns

Did your doc explain what might have caused the kidney stones? Is it genetic, caused by certain foods, or something else?

WTH, glad to hear you are on the other side of this. I get your sentiment, but I'm still in the no one camp. Of course she can burn in hell as far as I'm concerned and likely will, though that's not my decision.

Genetics, food and lack of water and no beer doesn't count are the normal culprits. I feel sorry for those in the genetic category. Where's the :pain: emoji when you need it?

Mr. Kite, he didn't mention anything specific. More of a this can cause it, that can cause it type of explanation. I wasn't specifically asked to collect any pieces,but I did keep the two largest. I go back to the urologist in just over a week and I'm going to take them for him to have a look at. I did a search on my own and based on the different types,it looked like it was a xanthine stone which apparently is genetic. No idea if it is or not. The only person in my family I know of that has had stones is my oldest brother. I go for x-rays tomorrow to determine if anything is left.

Good to hear that this ordeal is over for you. Back in the late 70's when I passed the kidney stones, my doc told me to stay away from milk. I didn't listen and never had a recurrence since. So who knows what causes it?

On the home front: WW's polygraph exam is this afternoon. The examiner will call me prior to the polygraph and once it's over. Fun times.

On the topic of medical stuff, one thing I am incredibly thankful for is that I haven't had the common diabetic side effect of kidney stones.

However, I DID just get back from the doctor... my A1Cs are at 8.6, three points higher than my lowest reading. I have a chronic inflammation in my right big toe, where I lost the toenail from getting it ripped off in 2018, and it grew back weird.

My doc is talking about surgery to start carving pieces off if I can't get it under control. That's only terrifying. Once they start taking pieces, they don't stop, and they slowly whittle you down to a nub and when there's nothing left to take, you're done.

My wife's infidelities occurred during the early 90's while living in California. We moved to another state around the beginning of 94.

What I wanted to know from the polygraph is (1) if she had any sexual relations with anyone else (2) if she had any secret emotional relationships(hidden communications) with anyone else since we moved to this state in 94.

The polygraph examiner just now called me and also sent me an email with the results. She passed both questions.

Can anyone help me understand why I feel like I’m getting worse? I’m 4 months from dday, If you asked me a month ago I would have been all in for R. now I can’t seem to figure out why I shouldn’t move on. Is the shock wearing off.

Because you don’t know what you want, brew.

I took a some time and read through all your posts, to get the best idea I could before responding. Off the top of my head, I can’t say I’ve really read a story like yours before. I mean you come off very level headed, shockingly calm as you’ve started various threads seeking advice, and at the same time kind of apathetic about your whole situation and as folks usually missed the mark in their replies. As I read your posts I couldn’t help but think to myself, this guy is just burnt out. Almost like he had been trying to survive infidelity for years.

My ex and I spent our fair share of time in and out of hospitals for surgeries due to her endometriosis. Not a life threatening cancers by any means, but due to her endometriosis, we struggled with infertility for 7 years. Seven years in and out of treatment centres, exploring different options, trying different options, chasing voodoo witch craft, starving ourselves, working tirelessly to find the money for the next treatment, more surgeries, and on and on and on. It pretty much consumed our lives. And all we ever got in return for all that work? Disappointment.

It was an emotional hell. Since the fertility issues were because of my ex, she always took it very personally. Add to that her desire to be a mother? I dunno, there’s just always been something in me that figures it means a little more to a woman to become a mother, than it does for a man to become a father. So I kinda took a backseat when it came to my emotions. I spent more of my time trying to be there for her, supporting her. I mean we’d talk and I would share my thoughts and feelings on it all, but I never wanted to plague her too much. She had enough on her plate. Unfortunately, out of respect for her, I didn’t reach out much to others who could have supported me. As the weeks grew into months, months into years and years into what would become Dday. Well, by then I was nothing more than a zombie.

I stumbled around like a lost puppy. In complete disbelief that after all that, now I have to deal with this!? Fuck man, I was destroyed. I had nothing left.

I had decided early on that I wanted to reconcile. Coming from a divorced family it wasn’t something I wanted to live through again. Plus, after everything her and I had been through? I dunno, I couldn’t just give up that easily. And through all my devastation, I mustered up just a touch more fight.

So I’m reading your story and I hear this guy, not locked into his marriage. Either of you could walk away tomorrow. I’m even convinced either of you would if you really wanted to. And that is what makes your story so unique to me. It’s the fact that either of you could, but neither of you have. I’m curious, do either of you know why that is? Have you actually explored it individually and together?

She passed both questions.

Great news, Mr. Kite!

I took a some time and read through all your posts, to get the best idea I could before responding. Off the top of my head, I can’t say I’ve really read a story like yours before. I mean you come off very level headed, shockingly calm as you’ve started various threads seeking advice, and at the same time kind of apathetic about your whole situation and as folks usually missed the mark in their replies. As I read your posts I couldn’t help but think to myself, this guy is just burnt out. Almost like he had been trying to survive infidelity for years.

Loukas

Thank for your reply well thought out and basically spot on. If by apathetic you mean lacking emotion that’s me I’m very calm and even keeled. I’ve been surviving a lot of things for years, my wife’s health issues which until this forum I’ve never really shared with anyone, probably some mild depression, a marriage that while not bad wasn’t great either, and burnt out yes I am. I have a career that is very stressful and really not that rewarding. I think I’m apathetic to the A because on some level I really understand it and a tiny piece of me is ok with it, I know that sounds strange, I couldn’t explain if I tried. Im apathetic to other posters missing the mark because no one could possibly understand my life just from a few forum posts and to Say she will defiantly cheat again file, or screw her she just fucked her trainer, those statements aren’t really accurate. Until you’ve fed your W through tube or cleaned out an infection from her wound you don’t understand my M. I come here looking for advice not be told what to do. As to why I don’t leave and file for D, I don’t know I just can’t. I have means, no children, I’m a loner by nature. I just can’t figure it out. I think the struggle for me now is the future I’m worried I don’t have much fight left. i think time will be my friend

[This message edited by Brew3x at 8:55 AM, February 21st (Friday)]

Walloped

Thank you!

Brew3x

Can anyone help me understand why I feel like I’m getting worse?

The whole infidelity ordeal is a roller coaster ride of emotions that can last a long time. One day you have hope, then the next day you get triggered and thoughts of divorce pop up. Sometimes you're madly in love with her, while other times you look at her with disgust.

Some choose not to deal with those swings of emotions and bail out early on, while others like me learn to live with it and go through many years of this for a multitude of reasons.

From my own personal experience 4 months in, I was still punching holes in the wall one moment and having hysterical bonding sex the next. Many years later I have calmed down for the most part but I wouldn't wish that journey on anyone.

When it becomes time to make a decision to stay or go, you will know and act accordingly. For now, take things a day at a time. Keep posting here and asking questions. We are here for you.

Mr. Kite - I'm glad you got some closure to those questions. How are you feeling about things overall now?

Hey Brew3x - At four months out, I was still very raw, and going up and down with my emotions, and what I wanted to do. There is no dictated timeline on when you should feel better about things, or when you make a "final" decision about R. I mean, really, reconciliation is an ongoing thing, not a one time event. There are some great success stories here about reconciliation, but things will never go back to how they were, and that's the reality of it. I've skimmed a few of your posts, and don't really have any advice specific to your situation other than focusing on yourself would be a great idea. Shit, if things don't work out, you won't lose any work you do on yourself, even if it's just focusing on a hobby or working out, or whatever. What do you like to do? Are you a brewer? That's a great hobby. What makes you happy, with or without her? Now is a great opportunity to analyze and potentially redefine your own identity. You've got some time to figure this out. In the meantime, bounce as many ideas as you want to off of us, and we'll reply, whether we miss the mark or not.

we'll reply, whether we miss the mark or not

I don’t care if you miss the mark I just didn’t come to SI for your wife’s a ho f her file, I was a brewer like 25 years ago Brew3x was the name I gave to my first batch I gave out to friends, I lost Interest years ago, almost around the time when it became cool. Organic gardening is my hobby. I’ve been gardening since I was 5, its grown to 40x40 plus a small orchard. Gardening keeps me going. I laugh every time someone tells me to get in shape almost like I must be out of shape because my W banged her trainer. I’m in good shape been working out for years, although I’m hitting it extra hard now.

[This message edited by Brew3x at 9:32 AM, February 21st (Friday)]

I'm glad you got some closure to those questions. How are you feeling about things overall now?

That's a great question. Yesterday before the polygraph I was a nervous wreck. When the examiner called me before it was about to happen, my wife was in her office filling out forms, I got seriously ticked off. She told me that unless my wife wrote my name in on one of the forms, she could not legally tell me the result of the polygraph. What? I can always tell when someone knows I'm getting mad because they start calling me "sir." It turned out that my wife gave her the ok to release all the results to me. Smart move.

I'm relieved and at peace that the last 26 years of our marriage haven't included more infidelity. It doesn't do away with what happened before then but it's way past time to let that go.

What's next on the agenda? Finding a new dog.

Brew. I’m almost 6 months and am dealing with the same thing. Mr Kite great response, i really hit anger stage not long ago so I go from HB to feelings of S or D on this crazy roller coaster.