SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi everyone!

I am a still a little bit on cloud 9 today! And the weekend could not have gone better. We went out window shopping a bit yesterday. And just walked around downtown (masked and socially distant of course!!) for a long while and just talked.

And, so far, the best thing about this has been the level we seem to communicate at. When we talk - hours can go by I don't really notice the time. I like that a LOT.

But I also realize that this is the infatuation and lust the usually accompanies a brand new relationship. So we both have our eyes wide open on this. We will just not force anything and see how it goes.

And the sex was...amazing. I had been celibate since 3 months before my husband passed. And OMG Y'all. The closeness and intimacy was SO nice. And she is a great kisser too...among other 'talents'

So - all in all? I am thrilled at how well it went. Thanks to everyone again for all the words of encouragement and advice. All of that helped me just relax and enjoy the ride. And I needed that!

That's a wonderful update :) I went searching for an update on you when you answered my other post :)

Such a fun stage. I've also started listening to a podcast that was recommended on here (Break the Dating Code) and have been working on my list of qualities that I want in a partner. I think you may have listened to it as well since you talked about top qualities?

Glad it worked out so well. But like you stated, take it slow. Very slow.

twicefooled,

I have never listened to that podcast - but I am going to now! And I have used that phrase forever.

And yes - I am glad you are spending the time thinking about what you want in a partner. I am picky - damn picky. And I am not going to waste my time and effort on someone who does not exhibit those qualities. And,m if you are interested, here are my top qualities in no particular order:

Honesty

Empathy

Intelligence

Humor

Patience

Good listener and communicator

Humble

Adventurous

In healthy shape (we are all getting older but I am not going to date someone who doesn't take care of themselves)

Grooming and style

Critical thinker

Those are the big ones. The other two big ones are religion and politics. As to politics - let me just say I would not date anyone who voted for the current occupant of the White House.

Religion is a lot more difficult to navigate sometimes. I live in the heart of the Bible Belt and a large part of my dating pool is going to be uncomfortable with me.

And here I could use some advice. I am not a believer (former Christian) at all. However I have no issues with dating someone who IS a believer - but our values have to align. And I mean they really have to align.

Any advice???

thatbpguy,

Thank you! I am SO excited. But agreed 100% - going to take it slowly. And I am patient...if this does not work out for some reason - that will be OK and so will I!

Warm wishes

"And here I could use some advice. I am not a believer (former Christian) at all. However I have no issues with dating someone who IS a believer - but our values have to align. And I mean they really have to align.

Any advice???"

I grew up Catholic (Church twice a week, married in a church, children baptized) but no longer practice....I consider myself spiritual but not necessarily Catholic. So as long as a potential partner has their mind wide open about there being "something" higher than ourselves (but not specifically God or Allah or whatever) then we align.

Thank you for the list, I've started one myself and will share at a later date (but ours look very similar)

twicefooled,

Thank you for the list, I've started one myself and will share at a later date (but ours look very similar)

Just one thing. Remember your value!. That can be hard sometimes after suffering through the trauma of infidelity. Hold your head high, value your own morals and never lower your standards.

We were both Protestant (Evangelical too - ugh). And very, very involved. Then B (late hubs) went to seminary. Oops. We made the "mistake" of learning too much. So we both left religion behind.

As for me - I cannot say whether a God(s) exists or not. I just do not believe there is. I would certainly like to be wrong! But I am perfectly fine with anyone's spiritual journey provided they are not trying to push it on anyone else.

I just try to be as upfront about that as I can. For some people an "unequally yoked" relationship is a big nope. And I do not want to invest in a relationship that religious belief comes in and stomps on it later. I have seen it happen twice in my friend circle and it is NOT pretty.

You just go do you!

Bonne chance mon ami!

This is a gorgeous update, NeverTwice! I'm excited for you!

Dee,

Thank you so much. It is almost surreal to me still. Sunday night after we got back, I went back to my bedroom and got comfy in my late husband's fave tshirt. And just sat on the bed and thought a bit. I did the closest thing to praying I know how to do and asked him if he was OK with this (silly - I know). Spent a couple of hours remembering us and the good times we had. I shed a lot of tears.

But, at the end, I felt at peace. As my husband was dying he had more than one conversation with me about moving on and finding someone else. Bless the man, here he was, suffering like you would not believe and he was more concerned about me and how I would deal with his own pain and imminent death than HE was! That sort of love is far too rare IMHO.

So - I know he would be happy for me and that gives me peace. The most peace I have felt since he passed.

Babe - if you are out there somewhere? You were the most giving person I have ever known. And you will live in my heart until I join you in the sleep of the grave. And you loved me like no one else ever could and I will always love you. When I look at our children - a large part of who they are as adults is thanks to you. And I can see you in them every day.

And it makes me smile.

Wow - what an update! I am glad you had a great weekend. Just take the time to enjoy all the magical fun of this stage!

Your post about your H, make me cry. I am certain he will be ok with whatever makes you happy. It sounds like that is the type of person he was.

And here I could use some advice. I am not a believer (former Christian) at all. However I have no issues with dating someone who IS a believer - but our values have to align. And I mean they really have to align.

I dated all sorts of folks (and religions) during my NB. The guy I dated with the most different views turned out to be the most compatible. Meaning, he did not believe but he had no issues attending events and celebrating my beliefs with me. I think you can have vast differences and still have a good R if you are respectful of each other's beliefs.

(Ironically, that non-believer guy I dated? He ended up marrying a pastor).

EvenKeel,

Thanks - it was really fun! I am a bit like your friend. I do not mind attending religious observances and the like.

(Ironically, that non-believer guy I dated? He ended up marrying a pastor).

LMAO!

Your husband sounds like one of the most gorgeous men who ever lived. I am still SO glad you got to be with someone so wonderful.

Dee,

Thank you so much for those kind words. Yes - he WAS a gorgeous man. Kind, smart, funny. A wonderful lover. But the unconditional love he gave me, the patience he showed in raising our children, the way he battled and shielded us from his PTSD.

I could go on and on. But, to me, he was a perfect example of how we should live, how we should treat others. He treated everyone he met like they were the most important person in the world. And I learned a great deal about life from him.

And I am SO grateful I got to share 34 years of life with him. Thank you for the kind words Dee - I appreciate them 💖💖💖