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It is Thursday!

Today, I'm thankful for the beautiful fall colors in Michigan.

Okay all - your turn. Even if you are in a dark place, try to come up with one.

I remember one I had when I first "knew" he was cheating. I was away on business, as I am this week. I was grateful for soft sheets! Still am. The great thing about now is I no longer worry about what he is up to when I'm out of town.

It's that time again !!! My thankful thought for today is that I found out something new! My H has started buying me flowers at random times...just because. It makes me feel good...not just for the gift...but because I know he was thinking of me . Since the adultery co-conspirator's name is Lily...he tried his best NOT to get them at first. But I told him not to worry about it. I LOVE lilies!!

I thought he was getting them as an afterthought when he would be at Walmart...only these did seem a little fresher than what I saw from there. As it turned out...he was making a special trip somewhere else to get them because he thought they were prettier !

I have been thankful that my H has shown me his love in many special ways...but knowing this tidbit makes the flowers even more special!!!

Oh cool sunwillshine...you beat me to it ! I had a phone call and stopped writing in the middle of my post...so I didn't notice you had written yours until I had already sent mine. This is a VERY NICE surprise...THANKS for that post!!!

If dead plants make you happy, ypu can have ALL my grass clippings. Interested?

Thankful for my new job! I LOVE the people I work with now. I enjoy working.

Tomorrow I'm surprising my Director with Lunch! I'm EXCITED!!!

I don’t want to kill the mood, but I’ve had a down week. It’s all internal triggers (bottom of the roller coaster).

I’m thankful that together we are progressing it’s not a set back between us. My W recognizes these lows and is much better at helping me.

I am so thankful for this community because I recognize what I’m going through, it’s because those that went before me are here helping everyone at all different stages of the journey.

I love this thread and look forward to Thursday.

Oh, also thankful it’s my Friday THREE DAY WEEKEND!!!

Notthevictem...I throw away the flowers when they die...but thank you for thinking of me !

prissy4lyfe...YAY for your new job !!!

Tanner...if this post is a mood killer...bring me more ! There are a lot of positives in here...thank you for sharing...and enjoy your three day weekend !!!

Good "Thankful Thursday" morning !!!

Something happened earlier this week that I almost posted about...but I realized I could save it for my post for TODAY!

No one in our family or friends circle knows about my H's A. The other day I was visiting with one of my cousins when she nonchalantly moved the conversation to flower beds . She was talking about planting this one particular bulb...which just so happens to be a LILY. Yep...that's the name of my H's adultery co-conspirator.

Triggers that hit out of nowhere are the WORST!!! I just froze...it was so surreal. The thought of my H's A was out of my mind completely...and then it came RUSHING back with full force...danged lizard brain!!! My cousin knows I have allergies to certain plants so she apparently assumed I had a bad allergic experience with lilies. Without me saying anything she quickly said she probably wouldn't plant lilies anyway...she would maybe plant tulips . Yep...the affair happened in Holland .

I just wanted to RUN . My mind got caught off guard I guess...and tears started flowing. She then was scrambling to think of the right bulbs to plant in her garden that weren't going to set me off!!! As tears were falling down my face...I kind of made up a stupid excuse...saying I didn't want HER changing her flower bed dreams because of ME. I would be alright. She scrapped them immediately though...saying she was not really attached to either. I love her so much!!!

Anyway...after I left...I immediately called my H. I wanted him to be prepared in case my cousin called asking about my aversion to lilies . We talked about my allergies...and that would be something we could say if ANY conversation came up about lilies in the future. Problem solved .

Then my H started crying and apologizing. He said how he hated that this had to ever be an issue...and he was so sorry for putting me through the HELL of these unexpected triggers. His tears cleansed me in an odd sense . I am not sure I know the right words to explain it...but I am sure those of you who have a sincerely remorseful spouse know what I mean. There is no doubt my H would take this pain if he could...but I don't want him to. I don't want my H to feel pain. And THAT is what I am THANKFUL for today .

I had written a thread a while back about the 4 Greek words for LOVE. The purest and most noblest of them all is called AGAPE. It is the love that is unselfish...giving...wanting the best for OTHERS. What happened this week showed me how our love has evolved to something more beautiful than we have ever had . I am very THANKFUL for agape LOVE !!!!

So I had a down week last week and it was really just grieving the loss of some specialness that we had prior to the A.

Someone had started a thread that addressed these exact feelings. I came away thinking you cannot get back what is gone, maybe I need to be grateful for what I do have. I have always been a positive thinker, glass has always been half full.

My W was cooking dinner with music playing, I went over, took her hand and started dancing with her.

This is so out is character for me, I’m not a dancer, and wasn’t really in an affectionate mood.

I glad I did because it meant so much to her. She wouldn’t let go!! Lol. I whispered in her ear, I appreciate you and the glass is half full. She told me “I’m working to fill the glass up, it won’t be the same, it will be better.

I’m thankful that I pushed through triggers and made myself reach out to her. It made last weekend so much better.

I am very THANKFUL for agape LOVE !!!!

want2BHappyAgain

Great news, your H seems very aware of your needs. You can feel a switch in this journey when they go from WS to empathetic.

Since I felt the switch I only refer to her as WW if I’m discussing something during the A timeline, all others she is W.

Umm, do lillies and/or tulips grow in the deep south? Or does your cousin live elsewhere. Just curious.

I am very grateful for remorseful spouses such as yours. I did giggle thinking about your H explaining your "allergies" to his cousin. I'm a bit devious that way.

This morning I woke up and had an urge to look up the ow to make sure their lives were miserable 🙃 and then I realized that I didn't care! Finally, I don't care.

I'm happy. My H and I spend quality time together. We got a walk in yesterday before the gloomy weather, today. I'm actually enjoying the gloomy weather. Fall is my favorite time of year. Dead flowers and every thing.

For a while after d-day, fall was rough. So many triggers. Of course the LTAs made for triggers through out the year.

So I'm back to enjoying my favorite time of year and if my lizard brain says look them up, my next thought is I don't care. If a trigger hits, I know I can go to my H and he will comfort me to the best of his ability even when my triggers cause him pain, too.

Happy fall. I hope today, you all will post just one thing you are thankful for.

I know for you in the worst of pain may find this difficult, but I also know it helps. About 5 weeks after d-day, I finally found one thing to be thankful for. Pinecones, of all things. I collected a bunch. A couple of years later I made Christmas decorations for gifts out of them. Only I knew how special they were because collecting them, took me out of my pain if only for a few minutes at a time.

Oh Tanner...I LOVE your post...very cool !! The way I see it...we lose things in our life all the time. I sure do MISS being able to get up out of bed without creaking !!! But we also GAIN things we would have never looked for if we wouldn't have had the life experiences we had. YOU Dear Sir...have gained a way to get rid of the negative thoughts...turning to your lovely wife . Keep looking toward the POSITIVE...and the NEGATIVE will soon be just a nuisance every now and then! You are already winning the battle by knowing this it seems...good for you !

sunwillshine...yes they do! You have to plant the bulbs in the fall...but you will have beautiful flowers around March/April .

I LOVE your pinecone story !!! I would really ENJOY seeing more "Thankful Thursday" posts...but I understand that positive posts don't get as much attention as negative posts. I do know that people DO read these types of posts though...because I get PM's about them .

Some people are worried about "jinxing" their R by writing something positive. I can ASSURE everyone that if you post something POSITIVE...you will have some negative feelings later . It will happen whether you post or not .

Thankful for my grandchildren. Since the beginning of the school year With the COVID19 shutdown, we have been babysitting our gs Henry (3) mornings while dd and SIL try to work from home. This week my W surprised me with my favorite breakfast and Henry was impressed. Henry told me: “Papa you’re lucky Nana is here.” Indeed! I am very blessed that my W did the work and has been unfaltering in her love and commitment to me and our family all of these years later. Why the special breakfast? It was our 47th wedding anniversary. I returned the favor with a special dinner that evening. A day to be thankful.😁

fareast...Happy Anniversary!!! This is a sweet post...thanks for sharing ! Out of the mouths of babes huh?! You have a pretty insightful grandson there !

I am thankful for this wonderful thread.

Also it’s a bit past Thursday but thankful that I have a good group of friends (my tribe). Mostly women from my church but a fun group of people.

The1stWife...I am enjoying it too . I love reading these posts!!! I was a part of a Bible Study in our subdivision with some wonderful women and it was such a JOY to be with them . We travel a lot with my H's work...so I don't get to go as often anymore...but your post made me smile from the memories...thanks for that .

So my W has always been a very proper lady. I’ve never heard her cuss or use inappropriate language. Many years ago she told my daughter she was going to “bust her ass”. Every one in the house was shocked and it scared my daughter straight lol.

So this morning we are laying in bed together, my W will just blurt out a random thought.

I heard her say “I’ve been looking for a cock, but haven’t found the right one”. WTAF??? When I figured out that she was looking at the wall and I had asked her to be on the lookout for a wall clock. It made sense. I had to tell her what I thought she said. Then she said no I have the right one.

I just laughed my ass off, it didn’t trigger me at all, I couldn’t stop laughing. It really was an awkward funny moment.

Please know that I am not making light of what we are all going through, triggers are really painful, this was not a trigger for me, it was a light hearted moment, I thought my W had gone off the rails.

ETA: I bet I get that clock in the next couple days

[This message edited by Tanner at 5:59 PM, October 24th (Saturday)]

It is Thursday! What do I have to be thankful for? My standby of soft sheets. Yes I'm grateful for them. A H who gets it and does something each and every day to show me his love. Being able to sing and laugh with our daughter. She came over the other night full of fear, anger and anxiety. We were able to chat about all that and still have a good time together.

This week has been hard. The fires here in Colorado burned numerous homes of hard workering people. 911 dispatchers who I've been friends with for decades. Not to minimize all the people I don't know, here and in CA who have lost homes and lives to these devastating fires.

Our own W2BHA is most likely without power as her area was hit with yet another hurricane. Sending prayers to LA. Lots of people in that area have been hard hit.

I'm sick. Probably not covid19, but I'm pretty miserable and it is hard to find things to be thankful for when I'm not feeling well.

The state of the world with the pandemic, the Civil unrest in not only my country but several countries and the political crap.

A famous singer songwriter passed away from cancer and I feel like I've lost a friend. Not that I knew him personally, just that his songs have been with me since my teenage years. RIP JJW.

"At a time when the world seems to be spinnin'

Hopelessly out of control

There's deceivers, and believers, and old in-betweeners

That seem to have no place to go"

One of JJW's covers he recorded comes to mind.

Lastly, this site is so full of people who are in the most painful emotional upheaval in their lives. Infidelity sucks.

Okay, now that I've put out there all my painful experiences this week. The only things that help me are

1. Have a good cry.

2. Have a good rant.

3. Find things to be grateful for.

Number 3 being so important that I meet to hear from others. That's why I'm determined to help W2BHA keep this thread up. Please post something you are thankful for today.

Electricity and the internet are back on in my area...Thank You God !!!

sunwillshine...you are an ANGEL!! Thank you so much for posting today...even though you are feeling under the weather (((HUGS))). I LOVE the little snippets you share to show us your heart . I will pray for a speedy healing Dear Lady.

I wish there was some way we in Louisiana could send water to our California and Colorado neighbors. We sure have more than we need! A home lost...no matter which way...is heartbreaking . This year has been one for the records...and we still have 2 months left of it!!

Tanner...funny story...thanks for sharing !!! I am looking forward to finding out just what kind of clock your wife found !!!

Triggers SUCK...but sometimes our reactions to certain situations can be funny! There was a post a while back about how we BS's sometimes find humor in some really weird ways after Dday. Laughter truly is the best medicine...and I am very happy you got a great dose of it the other day !!!

I have to say first that I am very thankful that Zeta did NOT hit southwestern Louisiana. Those people are suffering so bad with the 2 hurricanes that did hit them . Although Zeta caused damage and resulted in homes and lives lost...it won't disrupt the majority of us in southeastern Louisiana and Mississippi like Laura did. We also had a cold front come through...so even without electricity...we don't have to deal with the oppressive heat like Lake Charles and the surrounding area had to deal with back in August. South Louisiana in August is NOT the place to be without air conditioning!!! THANK YOU to the linemen who come from all over the United States to help us out. Y'all are real HEROES !!

My H and I try to make every day a "Thankful Thursday" . YES...it should be actions over words...but words MATTER. The other morning while we were embraced in a hug I told my H that he was my sunshine (maybe I was subconsciously thinking of you sunwillshine ) ! My H told me that NO...I was HIS sunshine...he was just a reflection off of me...like the moon . That made my day !

Okay people...sunwillshine can be helped in her healing...by YOU . Reading these POSITIVE posts will make her smile...which will tell her brain to send out feel good chemicals...and her body will respond by helping her to feel better . I KNOW y'all want to help this sweet lady out!!! Let's see some THANKFUL posts on this Thursday...you know you wanna . Just DO IT !!!

Ooooooo...I just saw another thing to be thankful for...another post in the "Positive Reconciliation Stories" thread . Thank you VanillaLatte !!!

I know it is HARD to find something to be thankful for when your heart has been stomped on...but life CAN be good...just look for it .