SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thanksgiving is a triggering time for me even though I am more than a year out from divorce and 4 years out from D day. Still, XWH's affair with OW started when I invited her to our home on Thanksgiving and I believe they started sleeping together the following December. This year MIL (with whom I remain close) told me that XWH and OW are driving her up in an RV to BIL and family's home. It's hard not to feel violated about that. I have done well post-divorce and, I know it sounds strange, feel like I "won." I have been promoted to a leadership post at my work, took some great trips before COVID struck, and DD is happy and ready to graduate HS, I am looking for a place to live after I move off the family property (per the marital settlement I live for free on the family property until DD graduates).

Still, it's hard to let go of the family I married into and the property that I have called home for 25 years. Family is the last shred of married life I guess I cling to. I watched my daughter's counsins grow up and they still consider me their Aunt. It feels like once OW steps into their house and sits at their table, my history is erased the damage she did to me and my daughter -- the lying, the manipulation of befriending us while sleeping with my husband-- is excused.

Nevermind that traveling to another state for a family gathering is a terrible idea because of COVID and MIL is in her eighties. MIL has misgivings about going but says XWH has been insistent (which shows what an ass he is).

Even though being on the RV with XWH is the last place on earth I would want to be (I hated going most places with him during the latter years of our marriage because he threw so many tantrums), it still hurts that she is going there as a guest in BIL's home. She will sit there with her false eyelashes, lacquered talons and stilettos and pretend she is not a morally bankrupt narcissist who broke up a family.

There I vented.

And it was a damn good vent. (although a bit restrained on the snarky side).

Thanksgiving and OW just don't belong together. Fakey fake fantasy and pretending don't pair nicely with turkey dinner and established families.

I know it's yucky - but you have indeed won because you have emerged with character and strength and a genuine history with these people. They know what time of day it is, but you know - biological family. It's obvious though that they recognize your genuine spirit - they are still wanting to be connected to you.

They may allow her to sit at their table because of your Ex, but that doesn't mean they don't have big old boundaries ready and waiting.

Hope you'll spoil yourself and DD on Thanksgiving this year - make a new random Covid-moment celebration.

(P.S: what's with our Exes ruining travel with tantrums and fights and such? Because we were taking them away from schmoopie land? It got so I hated traveling with assclown as well. Absolutely made what could have been amazing experiences into total shit)

They may be polite and invite her in order to see your XH.

Doesn’t mean they like her. Tolerate her maybe. Like? Who knows.

And BTW doesn’t mean he is happy either. It could be fake (like her) as well.

I watched my daughter's counsins grow up and they still consider me their Aunt.

As the mother of their cousin you are still an Aunt. Divorce doesn't change that.

Thank you everyone for that wisdom. It helps enormously. I really appreciate the perspective that nothing erases our history. It's still who we are -- the bonds we made, the people we loved, it's all the sum of us.