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My kids and I will be moving to a new place soon. No more renting. When my ex got wind of it of course he got upset. He cant be happy for his kids. Instead he is resentful and is still stewing that he has to give me money every month. Not sure what magical special divorce he thought he was going to get. Cause of what a “great guy” he is. This is divorce buddy! You wanted it! Here it is!

Saw him recently and he had the nerve to tell me how great I looked and that he missed me. Seriously? After the emotional abuse he put me thru after I found out about the affair. Pretending he was working on saving our marriage for months. Driving me to the brink of a nervous breakdown. After all that and he thinks his charms still work on me. WRONG! Such a classic narcissist.

He is going thru some health issues and seems to be struggling physically and emotionally. Unloading his stress on my kids instead of his family and friends. Scaring them. The fairy tale life he thought he would have post divorce isnt panning out. I am afraid this might make him act desperate. Which makes me afraid he is up to something. He just cant see me happy. I am honestly afraid of him and what he is capable of.

So stressed. I dont even know what I am asking for in posting this. Just needed to vent I guess.

He is going thru some health issues and seems to be struggling physically and emotionally. Unloading his stress on my kids instead of his family and friends. Scaring them. The fairy tale life he thought he would have post divorce isnt panning out. I am afraid this might make him act desperate.

This is the classic 'coming down' period, where they realize what they have lost and that Paradise city was just a front. If you have already tried R and he failed miserably at it, then stick to your guns and don't take him back. He is no longer your problem and only he can sort himself out. Just don't appear hesitant because that would only make this phase longer and more confusing (that's one thing I'd change if I could go back). At this point, he would be desperate for any signs from you.

That said, next time your kids report him being aggressive or unreasonable, you need to speak to him firmly and tell him you will not tolerate that sort of behavior and that there will be consequences. My XWH scared my kids with his 'crazy' behavior a couple of times and I did not let him see them until he (and they) calmed down.

You are witnessing him facing the consequences and not liking it.

If he misses one alimony or child support payment call your attorney immediately.

Be prepared for him trying to pull some shenanigans but don’t fall victim to him.

Instead he is resentful and is still stewing that he has to give me money every month.

I hear ya. Every time we went somewhere my ex would tell the kids that "HE was paying for that vacation with his child support".

I always bit my tongue but one time when my son told me that I did say "Ha - the amount he pays in CS doesn't even buy your groceries for the month....let alone a vacation!"

I am afraid this might make him act desperate

I found any act that showed them you are moving further into your NB causes a ripple effect. My ex would always get extra wacky at such times.

Just keep on your road and avoid interactions.

How old are your children?

Instead he is resentful and is still stewing that he has to give me money every month. Not sure what magical special divorce he thought he was going to get.

This is almost a stereotype for the angry divorced male. My xWW tries to paint me with that brush on the regular. The irony is that she is the one who is shockingly angry. My point being... the anger is the narcissism, not the gender.

Saw him recently and he had the nerve to tell me how great I looked and that he missed me. Seriously? After the emotional abuse he put me thru after I found out about the affair.

Yep, seriously. It's pretty much right out of the narcissism playbook. It's called hoovering. It's his pathetic attempt to keep your attention focused on him. Don't fall for it.

Pretending he was working on saving our marriage for months. Driving me to the brink of a nervous breakdown. After all that and he thinks his charms still work on me. WRONG! Such a classic narcissist.

The fairy tale life he thought he would have post divorce isnt panning out. I am afraid this might make him act desperate. Which makes me afraid he is up to something. He just cant see me happy. I am honestly afraid of him and what he is capable of.

I agree that you should be afraid and that you should behave accordingly. Limit all communication to kid-related business. Keep your private life private. Do not inquire about his private life.

The opposite of love is indifference, not hate. He's probably somewhere on the love/hate spectrum... you need to do everything that you can to get him to indifference. What YOU NEED is for him to get someone else to give him attention.

Well...sounds like your ex is facing what is called Consequences.

And his knickers are all in a twist because you won't accept the role of Plan B.

Just because he will try to play games doesn't mean you have to be the next contestant in the Ex Games.

Stand your ground. Let your attorney know if it gets out of hand. Document everything [I'm a spreadsheet fan] and pour yourself a glass of your favorite drink in your prettiest glass and toast your new fabulous life - infidelity and narcissist free.

Stand your ground and invoke your boundaries, no matter his reaction.

I left my ex in March of 2014. Today is my birthday. This morning he sent me 3 crazy texts accusing me of ruining his relationship with our teenage son (I didn't, he did with some actions), being happy that he got home invaded (he got robbed by his drug dealer, again nothing to do with me). This is 7 YEARS later.

I was NOT good at boundaries for a few years and helped him way more often than I should have. I'm just now starting to put up hard boundaries so now he is lashing out. Had I done this 7yrs ago, he may have lost interest by now.

Congrats on your new place!

Until this week, I honestly thought mine was permanently out of my life as of sometime in 2019 when we last dealt with logistics of divorce. Nope, he created a new Facebook account and IMd me a request to come by and visit "his" dog on Monday. 3 years out of that marriage and with a completely new life that does not remotely involve him and that idiot who does not care about this dog trying to get back into my life. Must be bored. That pissed me off so much that I'm at the point where I almost wish a motherfucker would.

GO AWAY, toxic exes. Get a life. A hobby. I am so sorry you have to coparent with this person.

Jess - document EVERYTHING. You never know when this evidence might come in handy.

STAY SAFE.

((((Jess))))