I've been wanting to make this post for sometime, and finally feel in my soul that I'm ready. This is the final step in my affair recovery; an immense amount of closure.
Before I get into this, I want to thank the SI community for being the most invaluable resource to me during the affair. I spent countless hours reading posts from wise members, and people who were sitting in the same pain as myself. I am forever grateful for this space. THANK YOU!
My story is in my bio, so I won't bore you with that, but I'm here to tell you there is a vibrant, full, colorful life on the other side of this. I was you-I was being treated for PTSD, hanging onto every beam of hope to keep my marriage and family intact. I was desperate for the status quo.
Once a divorce was eminent, I started dating myself hard. When I didn't have my kids, I was alone, traveling and figuring out what makes me happy. Come to find out, who I was with my husband is not who I am as a person. Over the last year, I have traveled to the most incredible corners of the country, I have enriched the deepest friendships, and I have come to know myself in a way I didn't know existed.
My kids and I have a home that we are cozy and happy in. They are happy, but still dealing with the confusion of mom and dad not being together. That will take time. Coparenting with my narc X is not ideal, however I am o focused on myself, I'm really just sad for him. He is the EXACT same person I left. He has lived no life and has not grown one iota as a human. He is indeed still with his mistress and they live together in the home she created with her X husband.
As for them, I sit in an immense amount of peace knowing that they deserve each other. At night, when he's alone in another man's home, thinking about what he did, the thoughts that must run through his head are what give me peace. They are so fake and trying to prove to everyone that this was all worth it. I have done everything BUT fit the narrative my X tried to paint of me. I rose above every step of the way and it's paid dividends. I have strength within myself, but the peace to move on from the complete destruction he caused comes from knowing that he sits in that guilt every single day. That is wonderful vindication. Good luck.
As for me, I get more attention than I ever have in my life from men. It's really uncomfortable and I'm awful at flirting and dating and everything that comes along with it. I know I'm on a strong learning curve, but I'm giving myself grace. I have no desire to date yet-I'm too scared to let a man in for now. But that's ok because I'm so fulfilled by my kids, work, and social life that I don't miss it.
I call my new life the good life. People are telling me they've never seen me this happy. Strangers compliment my positive vibe. Guys beg for a piece of me. No one can tell me no or what to do. I have freedom. It is the most incredible feeling I have ever felt.
All of this to say: it's not easy. It's a lot of work and time. People will judge you. You'll feel so much shame. You're going to question your decisions and wonder what the heck is next. But the beauty of this journey is if you just release and follow your gut, you'll be guided to the most incredible life of happiness in technicolor. I promise.
You deserve happiness, and that's a journey. Well wishes, my fellow SI community.
[This message edited by NotTheSideChick at 2:53 PM, May 25th (Tuesday)]
