Your husband will need to heal on his own, that's just how life works. You can't really help him, but you can take steps to not make things harder. But the best approach, in my opinion anyway, is to simply concentrate on yourself. Become a safer person for him to be around, and that safety may help to remove roadblocks for him.
In other words, you say you are a tainted person. But are you? Or were you? Did you do things that you now regret? The things you did in the past that you regret will forever stay that way, in that moment in time. But who are you today, and moving forward? Are you tainted for all time and with no ability to change? Or can you choose to be a better person, someone safer, someone with respect and dignity and accountability and integrity and honesty and empathy and vulnerability?
The real trick, after infidelity, is to stop viewing the marriage as something that still exists. It doesn't. Maybe on paper, yes, but not in reality. And it shouldn't. Marriage cannot exist within infidelity.
The way past this is to stop looking backward at what failed, and instead look forward, to what can be better, what can be changed, who we want to be and how we want our relationships to be. We build something new, first in ourselves, and then together as a couple. If the marriage continues, it will be a new one.
Me: WS
BS: ISurvivedSoFar
D-Day Nov '16
Status: Reconciling
"I am floored by the amount of grace and love she has shown me in choosing to stay and fight for our marriage. I took everything from her, and yet she chose to forgive me."
