SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

This post resonated with me so deeply. I am in the same boat you are right now. It’s been 17 years since my H’s A. Throughout the years he’s done some questionable things but this past weekend he completely violated our boundaries for our marriage. I’m like you, just numb. I hope you find your peace and some answers soon.

I'm so sorry stayinghopefull.

I guess they give us clues to the lack of understanding or change when they continue to give concerns over the years. We just live in hopethey do enough work to make a difference. The frustrating part is I did see clear change and work being done. But that hasn't addressed this need to control, cause chaos, push everyone away, self destructive side. And that's if that was the only driving force behind his recent betrayal. I wouldn't rule out intention to become wayward as part of the motivation. Although he 100% claims it isn't. He seemed entirely upset and remorseful at the time and mistook my numbness and lack of fight as acceptance of his regret. But its not been processed for me. And when I got angry this week instead of understanding I was met with someone who cut me off. He didn't understand where I was coming from despite saying over and over he was totally wrong and he understands. Only he showed me he doesn't. Our perspectives aren't correlated as far as boundaries and the damage caused when compromising them.

I still don't know what my next move is. But I have my rings off, hes in the spare room. And I'm living quite a separated life. Hes working away this weekend and I'm trying to enjoy the peace away from him. He's very distanced with me too. There is a deeper issue palpable to me.

I'm so sorry hes hurt you again further all this time later. It really concerns me am I setting myself up for years of this continued pushing of boundaries and trust. I dont know how we deal with it. We obviously love the potential we see in them rather than who they actually are. And it's up to us if we continue allowing the situation as it is.

(((TTT)))

I offer you a virtual hug because what you are going through is difficult, but you seem to be handling it great. Seriously. Way better than me, for sure (I handled it very poorly).

I have never heard of anyone saying that they regretted getting a divorce in a legitimate way. Meaning, I've heard of horny people trying to get lucky making that claim with their ex... but I don't think those episodes count as legitimate regret over leaving a spouse.

I am almost 5 years out from D-day and almost 3-years out from the decision to get divorced... and almost 6 months of being divorce.

My life is so much better and I don't mean my living situation. I am starting to trust people again, especially myself. No more gaslighting. No more emotional abuse. No more wondering about what she's actually doing.

You have given him way more chances than he actually deserves. YOU deserve better.

I have been down the divorce path and I would highly recommend the IC for yourself before you do. My ex cheated horribly and left me with no alternative as he was not willing to change his ways and didn't apparently respect me or love me enough to change either. But you have time and an IC can help you work through issues before you make any hard decisions you can't take back. Sometimes that is what a relationship needs is some IC and hard work.