SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Is this even a thing people do anymore? Find someone who you would want to engage in regular physical affection with, without seeing anyone else, but without being in a relationship? Physical touch can be therapeutic. I wouldn't want to be seeing anyone else, and would hope they would be on the same page, so that there would be fewer concerns about STDs and the like. Just us two helping take care of each other's physical needs.

I'm pretty sure this is the struggle we all go through when we're single: where do we meet people? Especially during a pandemic?

I saw someone for a couple of weeks recently. He treated me well. I had been clear that he was the only person I was seeing. He didn't tell me he was seeing other people - he just sprung it on me abruptly by saying that he was entering into an exclusive relationship that he didn't see coming. I was happy for him initially, then sad that this good thing that was only just beginning was already over, then concerned and not very happy that I needed to get tested for COVID because I didn't know he was seeing other people. Had I known, I wouldn't have kissed him. I'm told that it's important to expect that people will be seeing more than one person - seems like during a pandemic, this is the sort of thing it would be good to be explicit about. So I would need to ask directly from the start.

Am I being ridiculous in wanting to find an arrangement like this?

Right now, these are thoughts and considerations. I'm not going to act on it until I've thought about it better, so to be safe, it wouldn't be for a while even if I decide to. Thought I would share my thoughts here.

I discovered this summer that I could date someone "just for fun", with no intention towards the future. I’ve never done it before. We met organically at a restaurant. He was 22 years younger. I asked his and told him mine as soon as he asked me out. He didn’t care.

We talked a few times before I agreed to go out w him. I calmly and casually asked his expectations first of sexual partners…then pandemic or not I expect a clean STD panel and monogamy if I’m intimate with someone. Including condoms of course. He was fine and completely agreed.

We only saw each other for about 3 months and I continued to keep my dating profile open if someone came along. They didn’t. Our schedules got in the way and we ended it with no hard feelings. I can’t imagine trying that w OLD. From the various stories that I’ve read here, it seems to have a better rate of success with an acquaintance, friend, etc.

There are of course OLD profiles looking for casual…but they are likely not going to me monogamous…I would think.

Thank you Annie! That's really good that he was on the same page as you, and that you wanted to be sexually monogamous and it was received as reasonable and understandable! I feel the same as you - that doing this with a friend or an acquaintance would go better than meeting someone online.

I've told a couple of friends what happened. One outright scoffed at me that I'd expected him to tell me if he was seeing other people and that I was upset he potentially put me at risk for Covid. I've been told that "everyone" is dating multiple people. When I talk about safety from STDs and how I feel like being honest from the start about seeing multiple people is important, I get told that maybe I'm "not ready" to be dating.

Maybe the real question for me would be - how do adults make friends in this day and age during the pandemic? I would guess we meet people we share common interests with... Maybe I just need to get out more.

I've made friends with a social bike ride group over the past two years. In one case a friendship turned into a FWB situation, but it soon turned into a relationship that ultimately ended because of different schedules.

The lady I am currently dating also is someone I met in the bike group and we started riding together and then hanging around with the crew after the ride and enjoying meals together and later started hiking and exploring together.

I was not friends with anyone in this crew while I was still married. Beyond work colleagues, my current friends were all made during the pandemic and all via outdoor activities. Bicycling, hiking, kayaking, skiing. Hell, I even have a new doctor that I met while fishing. My son is working for and with a couple of folks from the biking group.

Friends are funny. You find someone you get along with and just start doing things with them. I'm fortunate that I live in an area with an excellent climate and a pretty active outdoor culture.

I’m a 61 XBH and been divorced for 3 years. I never had a FWB until this year, when I had two FWB arrangements. I met both on Match and we all had said we wanted a committed, monogamous relationship and both started off that way but evolved into a FWB relationship. FWB1 was a true FWB and I never developed any emotional connection with her. I ended the FWB arrangement with FWB1 after 3 months when I started dating FWB2 by telling her about FWB2 and FWB1 encouraged me to pursue it. The relationship with FWB2 has both a sexual and emotional connection, and is more of a monogamous relationship, with date nights out, handholding and PDA in public, and spending the night together, all of which internet articles state are the antithesis of a FWB relationship. FWB2 and I agreed to have unprotected sex as long as neither of us want to begin an intimate relationship with someone else, and neither of us have indicated a need for a condom to date (so we’re both monogamous).

Silverhopes, why would you characterize engaging in regular physical affection without seeing anyone else as FWB, as opposed to a relationship? AnnieOakley said that she kept her OLD profile open in case someone came along, which is what I’ve done during FWB2. Silverhopes, would you consider doing so to be "seeing someone else" which would violative of your definition of a FWB arrangement? I guess my questions are directed to your definition of a FWB arrangement and how it differs from a relationship? My preference is for a traditional monogamous relationship, rather than a FWB arrangement, but I rationalize my present FWB arrangement as being better than being alone during this time of Covid.